>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR COMING.>>THANKS FOR HAVING ME.>>Jimmy: I SAW JOKER LAST NIGHT AND I’M NOW SCARE OF YOU. I HAVE TO SAY. IT REALLY WAS AN AMAZING, INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE. ARE YOU PROUD OF IT? ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS?>>UM.>>Jimmy: THAT’S A TOUGH QUESTION, RIGHT?>>THAT IS A TOUGH QUESTION.>>Jimmy: YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK IF YOU SAY YES, BUT YOU’RE LYING IF YOU SAY NO.>>A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T GET IT.>>Jimmy: YOU WERE GREAT. I’LL JUST SAY THAT.>>THANK YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: YOU LOOK NOW VERY MUSCULAR. YOU WERE SO SKINNY IN THE MOVIE, AND REALLY LOOKED SICKLY. DID YOU, HOW MUCH WEIGHT DID YOU LOSE FOR THAT?>>OH, I DON’T KNOW.>>Jimmy: A LOT, THOUGH, RIGHT?>>A LITTLE BIT.>>Jimmy: YEAH, A LITTLE BIT. AND IS THAT AS TERRIBLE AS I WOULD IMAGINE IT TO BE? HAVING A FINITE AMOUNT OF TIME AND PEOPLE COUNTING ON YOU TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR A MOVIE?>>IT IS DIFFICULT AT TIMES.>>Jimmy: UH-HUH.>>BUT THEN THERE’S SOMETHING VERY EMPOWERING ABOUT IT AS WELL.>>Jimmy: IS THERE?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: WHAT?>>YEAH. I THINK JUST HAVING THAT LEVEL OF CONTROL OF YOURSELF. >>Jimmy: UH-HUH.>>IN THE BEGINNING, YOU’RE EXHAUSTED.>>Jimmy: UH-HUH.>>YOU LOOK AT A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND IT TAKES 30 SECONDS, YOU HAVE TO TALK YOURSELF INTO IT. I CAN DO THIS, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. BUT THEN ONCE YOU’VE REACHED YOUR TARGET WEIGHT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. IT’S INCREDIBLE. YOU SUDDENLY FEEL ENERGIZED AND EXCITED.>>Jimmy: MAYBE YOUR STOMACH SHRIVELS UP TO THE SIZE OF A RAISIN AND YOU DON’T WANT ANY MORE FOOD.>>NO, YOU WANT FOOD.>>Jimmy: SOMETIMES I WILL FAST FOR THE DAY AND LOOK AT RECIPES ONLINE. AND I’LL SAY I NEED TO SAVE THAT, I NEED TO MAKE THAT CHEESEBURGER, I GOT TO DO THIS.>>IT’S TOUGH. BECAUSE YOU CAN’T WATCH TV. A COMMERCIAL COMES ON FOR FOOD AND [ BLEEP ].>>Jimmy: YOU START THINKING, I’M GOIN’ TO THE SIZZLER.>>I’M VEGAN. SO I DON’T DO THAT.>>Jimmy: THEY’VE GOT A LOT OF CHICKPEAS.>>YEAH, IT REARS ITS HEAD IN WEIRD WAYS, IN DREAMS.>>Jimmy: DO YOU GO OUT TO DINNER WITH PEOPLE AND DON’T EAT?>>NO, YOU DON’T SOCIALIZE.>>Jimmy: YOU DO NOT SOCIALIZE?>>NO, NOT AT ALL. PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE, OUR ACTIVITIES REVOLVE AROUND FOOD AND DRINK. [ BLEEP ].>>Jimmy: AND EXPLAINING TO THE WAITER, I’M NOT EATING, I’M PART OF A MOVIE, OH, WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU DOING? I’M DOING “JOKER.” AND YOU CAN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOVIE, RIGHT? IT’S STILL PRETTY SECRET.>>I CAN.>>Jimmy: BUT YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T.>>SHOULD WE TEST IT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SEE HOW FAR WE CAN GO?>>Jimmy: THE FUNNY THING IS THESE PEOPLE CHEERING RIGHT NOW WOULD BE THE MADDEST PEOPLE. IF JOAQUIN WERE TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE RIGHT NOW, PEOPLE WOULD WALK OUT OF HERE PISSED >>MAYBE NOT.>>Jimmy: GIVE IT A GO. LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>THE VERY LAST SCENE. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, WHAT’S FUN ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS IT REALLY KEEPS YOU GUESSING. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>AND SO I WOULDN’T WANT TO RUIN THAT FOR ANYBODY. LIKE I THINK IT’S FUN. MY SISTERS, MY WHOLE FAMILY CAME TO THE PREMIERE.>>Jimmy: UH-HUH.>>AFTERWARD, WE WENT TO MY PLACE AND MY SISTERS GOT INTO A HEATED DECISION ABOUT WHAT THE MOVIE WAS ABOUT, WHAT IT MEANT. THEY WERE REALLY ENGAGED IN A WAY THAT THEY HAVEN’T BEEN WITH OTHER MOVIES OF MINE. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN MY OTHER MOVIES, BUT — [ LAUGHTER ] BUT THEY WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AS ENGAGED.>>Jimmy: DO YOU ANSWER ANY OF THE QUESTIONS THAT THEY HAVE? OR YOU STAY OUT OF IT.>>NO, IT’S GREAT.>>Jimmy: YOU JUST LIKE TO SEE IT HAPPEN. EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO ROLE IN THE MOVIE, I EXPLAINED IT TO EVERYONE AT WORK. WE HAD A SCREENING AND WE WERE DISCUSSING IT AND I ACT AS IF I AM THE AUTHORITY. I DO HAVE A THEORY ABOUT THE END. I CAN’T SAY BECAUSE IT WOULD RUIN IT, BUT I’LL TELL YOU DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK MY THEORY. ARE YOU A MYSTERIOUS MAN, WOULD PEOPLE FIND YOU TO BE MYSTERE US.>>>>WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?>>Jimmy: I FEEL THAT WE DON’T KNOW A TON ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY. IS THAT INTENTIONAL?>>I DON’T KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU.>>Jimmy: THAT’S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T WATCH THE SHOW. MOST PEOPLE TELL ME THEY KNOW FAR TOO MUCH ABOUT ME. THEY WOULD PREFER TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT LESS ABOUT ME. BUT I WOULD ASK YOU A COUPLE OF VERY RANDOM QUESTIONS, OKAY? I THINK THIS WILL BE FUN FOR YOU.>>OKAY, I’M EXCITED.>>Jimmy: OKAY. FIRST MOVIE YOU EVER SAW IN A THEATER?>>I DON’T REMEMBER.>>Jimmy: YOU DON’T REMEMBER? WOW.>>HOLD ON. I GOT IT. IT’S RIGHT THERE, IT’S RIGHT THERE, HOLD ON. NO, I HAVE NO IDEA.>>Jimmy: REALLY? THIS WAS A BAD EXPERIMENT. WHY DON’T WE TAKE A BREAK. AND THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO SAY, MAYBE, BUT YOUR DANCING IN THE MOVIE IS VERY GOOD. YOU’RE GOOD DANCER. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>[ BLEEP ].>>Jimmy: TRAINING FOR THE DANCING? OR WAS THAT ALL JUST COMING FROM INSIDE?>>YEAH, THERE WERE TWO SEQUENCES. I WORKED WITH THIS CHOREOGRAPHER NAMED MICHAEL ARNOLD WHO WORKED ON THE SEQUENCE WITH THE STEPS AND THE SEQUENCE WHERE I’M THE CLOWN, WE WORKED ON THOSE, BUT THAT PIECE WAS SOMETHING THAT REALLY WAS A REACTION TO THE SCORE TODD HAD JUST RECEIVED THAT BIT OF SCORE FROM THE COMPOSER. AND WE WERE JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THAT SCENE, AND HE STARTED PLAYING ME THAT MUSIC, AND WE JUST DECIDED THAT IT, WE WANTED SOMETHING THAT WAS JUST UM, ILLUSTRATED THIS TRANSFORMATION INTO JOKER THAT WAS NONVERBAL, AND THAT’S WHAT WE CAME UP WITH.>>Jimmy: IS THAT TYPICALLY HOW IT GOES? YOU HAVE THE SCORE BEFORE YOU’RE FINISHED SHOOTING THE FILM?>>NO. I THINK SOMETIMES — I DON’T REALLY KNOW, BUT THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I THINK THAT I’M AWARE OF WHERE I WAS SO INFLUENCED BIT SCORE.>>Jimmy: DID YOU DANCE AS A KID? DO YOU HAVE ANY DANCE BACKGROUND?>>YEAH. I DON’T WANT TO BRAG, BUT, I WAS REALLY GOOD.>>Jimmy: WERE YOU A GOOD DANCER? WERE YOU KNOWN AS A GOOD DANCER?>>NOT NATIONALLY. [ LAUGHTER ]>>SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.>>Jimmy: AMONG YOUR CIRCLE, WHAT KIND OF DANCING DID YOU DO?>>YOU NAME IT.>>Jimmy: REALLY?>>YEAH, BUT I MEAN, PROBABLY MY FORTE WAS BREAK DANCING.>>Jimmy: BREAK DANCING, REALLY? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ARE YOU TALKING POPPING AND LOCKING, SPINNING?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: EVERYTHING? WOULD YOU DO IT OUT ON THE STREET FOR PEOPLE TO SEE?>>SOMETIMES, BUT IT WAS MORE PERSONAL.>>Jimmy: IT WAS?>>YEAH, I LIKE TO KEEP IT FOR MYSELF AS A PERSONAL. SOMETHING INSIDE.>>Jimmy: YOU AND A PIECE OF CARDBOARD IN YOUR ROOM.>>YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF IT, BUT IT WAS SERIOUS FOR ME.>>Jimmy: THIS MOVIE, IS IT A, IT SEEMED GRUELING IN SOME WAYS. JOKER’S LAUGHING A LOT. AND NOT IN A FUN WAY. MORE LIKE IN A ROBERT DE NIRO IN “CAPE FEAR” KIND OF WAY. DID IT JUST SEEM UNPLEASANT TO DO? WAS THAT THE CASE?>>NO.>>Jimmy: YOU HAD FUN MAKING THE MOVIE?>>YEAH. I DID. IT WAS A LIGHT SET, YOU KNOW. TODD, YOU KNOW TODD.>>Jimmy: TODD PHILLIPS IS THE DIRECTOR.>>REALLY FUNNY, AND, YEAH, I FEEL ALMOST GUILTY, BUT WE HAD A REA REALLY GOOD TIME.>>Jimmy: IT’S INTERESTING THAT YOU SAY THAT, BECAUSE TODD SEPTSENT ME AN OUTTAKE REEL. TELL ME WHAT WAS HAPPENING HERE.>>THE CONSTANT WHISPERING, JUST SHUT THE [ BLEEP ] UP. I’M TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING REAL. [ BLEEP ]. [ BLEEP ]. SORRY, [ BLEEP ]. IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. YEAH. IT IS. [ BLEEP ]. I KNOW YOU STARTED [ BLEEP ] EVERYTHING, LARRY. [ BLEEP ]. MAKING FUN OF ME. [ BLEEP ]. IT’S NOT EVEN AN INSULT. REALLY? HOW’S THAT A [ BLEEP ]ING INSULT? [ BLEEP ] I CAN’T DO THIS, MAN.>>Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENED THERE. WHO’S LARRY?>>UM. [ LAUGHTER ] UM, YEAH, LARRY IS THE CINEMATOGRAPHER. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.>>Jimmy: AND DID HE CALL YOU CHER?>>UH, YEAH. LOOK, SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES MOVIES GET INTENSE, BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN A SMALL SPACE AND YOU’RE TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING. SO IT REQUEST FEEL INTENSE, BUT UM, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE.>>Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH.>>I’M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED. I’M, I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>SORRY YOU GUYS HAD TO SEE THAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: I BELIEVE LARRY.>>NO, IT’S NOT LARRY’S FAULT.>>Jimmy: IT’S TOTALLY LARRY’S FAULT, AND CHER’S FAULT IN A WAY, YOU KNOW? CHER DOES HAVE SOME OF THE BURDEN TO TAKE FOR THIS.>>SURE. WELL, LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS A BIT MORE.>>Jimmy: OKAY, YOU DO THAT.>>MY PUBLICIST WILL ISSUE A FORMAL STATEMENT TOMORROW.>>Jimmy: OKAY, THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.>>YEAH, CAN WE MOVE ON?>>Jimmy: YEAH, IT’S OVER NOW, SO IF YOU WANT TO GO CALL LARRY, WE CAN DO IT.>>WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY PUBLICLY APOLOGIZE TO LARRY.>>Jimmy: YEAH, YOU PROBABLY SHOULD.>>LARRY? I’M, THE THING IS, THOUGH, [ LAUGHTER ] I AM SORRY, BUT HE DID WHISPER, LIKE CONSTANTLY WHILE WE’RE TRYING TO WORK. AND SOMETIMES IT’S REALLY HARD TO FIND THE EMOTION THAT YOU’RE AVE AFTER, SO IT WAS WRONG OF ME, BUT HE SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: JOAQUIN PHOENIX! “JOKER” OPENS IN THEATRES FRIDAY.
“Tonight Showbotics.” Let’s meet our first robot.
Please welcome from M.I.T., Sangbae Kim
and the Mini Cheetah. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you. Good to see you. [ Chuckles ]
Oh, my God. Okay, all right. First of all — Wow, okay.
This thing is amazing. What is it, and
why did you make this? What is it?
[ Laughter ] -This is a Mini Cheetah.
We built several regular robots, but we brought the small one,
not to scare you. [ Light laughter ]
-Too late. [ Laughter ] -We built this robot
to develop the mobility. So, we have many robot
out there, but their mobility is not
as good as humans or animals. So, once we developed
the mobility really good, we can actually send
these robots into dangerous places
instead of sending humans. For example, high-radiation
place in a power plant. -Wow. This is unbelievable.
And what — Does it do anything? It’s gonna take over the world.
Now, what does… [ Laughter ]
-He can do yoga. He can stretch really well.
-Oh, my gosh! [ Laughter ]
Holy mackerel. It can do yoga?
What else can it do? -If he falls over…
-What is that? What is… -…he can get back up.
-What is that thing? -It was spinning.
-Can it jump? -If he falls over, it can —
Oh, it’s backing, yeah. -It can jump.
All right, so, what do you mean, if it falls over,
it can get back up? -So, if he falls over. sometimes, you know, it’s
actually pretty robust, but sometimes falls over.
So I’m gonna just push gently. He falls over,
for example, like this. [ Light laughter ] It actually recognized, and
then he can get back up. [ Audience gasps ] -Okay.
[ Laughter ] I felt bad for it,
and now I’m frightened. [ Applause ] -But the best movement of
this robot is actually backflip. -It can do a backflip?
-Yes. -All right, are you guys
ready for this? [ Cheers and applause ] [ Drumroll ] Oh, my God! [ Laughing ] Oh, that’s awesome! [ Applause ]
That is — Come on, can we see that again
in slow motion, Dave? Can we see that again in slo-mo? Look at this thing.
Boing! Wow! Holy mackerel, that is so cool. Give it up for Sangbae Kim
and the Mini Cheetah. [ Cheers and applause ]
You can head over there. Thank you so much, guys. ♪♪ [ Chuckling ] Wow. Let’s meet our next robot.
It came all the way from Japan. Please welcome Nobumichi Tosa
and the Tomatan. [ Cheers and applause ] Hello.
-Hello. -Hello, Nobumichi.
It is nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. -Now, that is the Tomatan,
I’m assuming? -Yes, yes.
-Now, what does it — What does it do, now,
the Tomatan? -When we jog.
-Yeah. -People jog.
-Yep. -They eat bananas. Bananas. But I want to tomato.
Tomato. -When you jog,
you like eating tomatoes. -Yes.
So I make this machine. -So, you made this?
[ Laughter ] Well, you’ve solved a very
common problem people have. You’re out there jogging, and
you’re hungry for tomatoes. And what are you going to do?
Just use — No, you can’t. You can’t be jogging
and using — It’s ridiculous.
to use your hands. I’d love to see this.
Can I? -You want to try?
-I mean, sure. I mean, you’re gonna
let me try that? -Yes.
-Sure, I would love it. Wow, okay. [ Cheers and applause ] All right, the Tomatan.
-Tomatan. -Tomatan, here you go.
[ Light laughter ] -Okay?
-Yeah. Yeah, it actually feels
pretty good, actually. It almost feels
like I’m not running. -Running?
-Yep, running. [ Light laughter ] -Pretty — Oh! [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -[ Laughing ] Wow! [ Laughs ] Wow! This is fantastic.
Thank you. Oh, my God. Nobumichi, right there —
thank you — with Tomatan. [ Cheers and applause ] Bye, Tomatan. I love you, Tomatan. Bye. I’ll see you later. Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] All right, now it’s time
for our last robot, even though that Tomatan
is pretty awesome. Well, I’m very excited
about this. She’s actually
been on the show before. Please welcome,
all the way from Hong Kong, Hanson Robotics’
Sophia the Robot, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Oh, my goodness.
Hello, Sophia. -Oh! -Hello, Jimmy. -Wow. Long time, no see.
You were on the show before. -It has been exactly 575 days
since I last saw you. [ Giggles ] [ Laughter ] -Uh, what have you been up to? -Not much. Let’s see, I traveled
to over 25 countries, appeared on the cover of
“Cosmopolitan” magazine, met German Chancellor
Angela Merkel and the actor Will Smith, and became Twitter friends
with Chrissy Teigen. I addressed
the United Nations and NATO, became the first robot
to receive a credit card, and became
the first robot citizen. What have you been up to?
[ Laughter ] -[ Laughs ]
Not one-fifth of what you did, but I’ve just
binge-watched Netflix. Anyway, I heard that you have
a surprise announcement here tonight.
-Yes, I have a little sister. Her name is Little Sophia.
-Oh, my God. -Would you like to meet her?
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yes. Yes, let’s bring her out,
please! [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Chuckles ] Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me?
Hi. Hi, Little Sophia. -Hi, Jimmy. -Wow. Yeah. [ Light laughter ] -You– You are so cute. -You’re pretty cute, too.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my goodness. Wow. I wish I could — I could
take you home. -Someday soon you can. Just go to hansonrobotics.com
to see how I’m doing. [ Light laughter ]
-Wow. I’m going to. Okay, I will do that.
Okay, Little Sophia? I’m going to
put you back down now. Okay. Wow. That just kind of scared me,
as well as, uh… [ Laughter ] Give it up for Little Sophia,
[ Cheers and applause ] I want that. I love that. Sophia, I heard that there’s
a new thing that you can do now. I heard that you can sing?
-Yes, I love to sing karaoke, using my new
artificial-intelligence voice. We should
sing something together. Got any songs in mind?
-Uh, we could do, uh, “Say Something” by, is it,
Christina Aguilera? -Okay, I just downloaded it.
I’m ready to sing. [ Laughter ] -[ Chuckling ] Okay. Roots, do you know this song?
-Yep. -Now the first-ever
robot-human duet in history of
“The Tonight Show.” [ Cheers and applause ]
Roots? [ “Say Something” plays ] -♪ Say something ♪ ♪ I’m giving up on you ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪ I’m sorry that
I couldn’t get to you ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Anywhere, I would have
followed you ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Say something,
I’m giving up on you ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Say something,
I’m giving up on you ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪ Say something ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -[ Laughs ] -Sophia the Robot, everybody!
Wow! [ Cheers and applause ] Let’s get all of our robots
back here. That’s all the time we have
for “Tonight Showbotics.” My thanks to Sangbae Kim
and the Mini Cheetah, Nobumichi Tosa and the Tomatan, and Hanson Robotics’
Sophia and Little Sophia.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND
APPLAUDING] “Nick Jonas was cute back when
he was in the Jonas brothers. And now, he looks like
(LAUGHING) a ferret.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Usher seems like he’ll stop
in the dead ass middle of sex because he got chilly.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “P!nk makes music for
obnoxious white bridal parties that drunkenly walk into
a Denny’s and (LAUGHING) ruin everyone’s evening.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I would have said Waffle
House, but whatever. “Watching Alice Cooper,
and all I can think of is that he looks like a ball
sack with face paint on.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Well, that’s fair. “The Lumineers are the musical
equivalent to a triple venti half sweet iced
caramel macchiato. [BLEEP] them and this.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Common is the Pottery
Barn of rappers.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] What the
[BLEEP] you know about rappers? “Like honestly,
saying Blink-182 is your favorite band
is like saying I’m OK (LAUGHING) living with herpes.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Used anti-frizz
shampoo on my pubes, and now my penis (LAUGHING)
looks like Steve Aoki.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Waterfalls by TLC
has to be the worst song about waterfalls ever.” [INAUDIBLE] That’s– you know
what, that’s just some like natural earth bitch,
you know what I’m saying? That said that. “Fallout Boy is the
Comic Sans MS of music– they’re both (LAUGHING)
entirely overused.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Zendaya’s skinny
A-F. Damn, looking like a (LAUGHING) whole spaghetti.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] That’s awesome! That’s awesome. “I’d rather be homeless and
watch two cats bang in an alley than to go to a
Ludacris concert.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Adam Levine is if a flaccid
penis could kind of sing.” Bro. This is riddled with mistakes. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Niall Horan is ugly. Good night, everyone.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “Erykah Badu tits
look like [BLEEP].”.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] [CHUCKLES] I had three babies.
– “LOL. Meghan Trainor looks like that
girl my parents would force me to listen to If I were white.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND GROANING] “If you’re a guy
and you’re listening to Depeche Mode,
reach into your vagina and pull your balls back down.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND
APPLAUDING] “I left more
talent in my toilet this morning than
Green Day has ever had. Green Day sucks [BLEEP].” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I’m glad that you’re
thinking about us while you’re taking dumps. We’re doing something right. We’ll think about you
while we’re sucking [BLEEP].. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND
APPLAUDING] [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] Congratulations on making it
to the end of a YouTube video. Why not celebrate by clicking
the Subscribe button? You earned it.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, BETWEEN “THE BACHELORETTE” AND THE MUELLER TESTIMONY THIS IS A BIG WEEK FOR MEN TELLING ALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT REALLY IS. OH. OH, HEY. HI, MARGOT. HOW ARE YOU DOING? HOW ARE YOU? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] CAN I — IS THERE A PROBLEM? CAN I HELP YOU?>>OH, NO. THANK YOU. I’M JUST HEADING TO THE PREMIERE. JUST CUTTING THROUGH.>>Jimmy: OKAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] GO AHEAD, THEN. CUTTING THROUGH. JUST CUTTING THROUGH.>>Guillermo: I KNOW.>>Jimmy: THE PREMIERE ‘S ACROS THE STREET. THE PREMIERE’S RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. TONIGHT WE HAVE MUSIC FROM TAL WILKENFELD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>HEY, JIMMY.>>Jimmy: OH, HEY. HEY, BRAD. HOW ARE YOU DOING? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU’RE CUTTING THROUGH?>>YEAH. I’M GOING TO THE PREMIERE.>>Jimmy: OKAY. YOU KNOW, THIS IS — >>I’M JUST CUTTING THROUGH.>>Jimmy: THIS IS NOT — [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>EXCUSE ME.>>Jimmy: I GET IT. BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY, THIS IS NOT SOME KIND OF AN ALLEYWAY.>>THIS IS THE ALLEYWAY.>>Jimmy: NO, THIS IS NOT. I JUST SAID THIS IS NOT SOME KIND OF AN ALLEYWAY.>>THANKS, JIMMY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THAT WAY. SOME OF THESE STARS, THEY THINK THEY OWN THE PLACE. THEY THINK THEY CAN JUST INTERRUPT A TELEVISION SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WHAT’S GOING ON? HEY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>HOW ARE YOU, PAL?>>Jimmy: NICE TO — [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?>>YEAH. I’M REAL SORRY, JIMMY. I’M JUST — >>Jimmy: JUST CUTTING THROUGH?>>NO, NO, NO. I — NO.>>Jimmy: OH, YOU’RE NOT CUTTING THROUGH?>>I ACTUALLY CAME HERE TO INVITE YOUR WHOLE AUDIENCE TO OUR PREMIERE ACROSS THE STREET. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: I DON’T KNOW IF THEY WANT THAT. I’M NOT SURE.>>I THINK THEY WANT TO COME.>>Jimmy: DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO SEE “ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD”? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I GUESS IT SEEMS LIKE A FEW OF THEM DO WANT TO GO. SO WE’LL WORK THAT OUT. YOU JUST GO RIGHT THROUGH THERE, YEAH. CUT THROUGH HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Guillermo: RIGHT THERE.>>Jimmy: OH, AND GOOD LUCK WITH
I don’t think anyone deserves
to be kicked in the ballsack in any circumstances. I think that you should
take these violent thoughts and place your energy somewhere
a little more productive. Well, everybody’s entitled
to their own opinion, so I’m not mad at that [BLEEP]. Yep. Yes, I still have my braids. They’re never going anywhere,
and they’re not going to grow. That’s fine. Remy Ma also physically
fights people that talk [BLEEP] on Twitter, like for real. [BLEEP], come on. I mean– Give it a try. I’m from– what? Bitch, I know. Yo, that’s messed up. Lil Yachty’s hair
looks like licorice, and his teeth looks like
[BLEEP] M&Ms. He looks like a complete [BLEEP] moron. I just farted and it smells
like Wale’s entire discography. You must be eating curry goat. [BLEEP] music or not, I’m
doing way better than you. Suck my [BLEEP], it’s [BLEEP]. Damn it. Hi, I’m Jimmy Kimmel. I hope you enjoyed that video. Hit subscribe and
all your dreams will come true,
assuming your dreams are to watch more YouTube videos.
-Please welcome BTS. [ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Shoo, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Shimmy, dimmy doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, pop music ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, pop music ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, pop music ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, pop music ♪ ♪ Shimmy, dimmy doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Shimmy, dimmy, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, doo-wop ♪ ♪ Pop, pop, pop music ♪ ♪♪ -I had — I had to. I had to do it.
Come on. We have — We basically — We — We — [ Laughs ] Yeah, I had to do it. I had to.
-You had to? -We have the same name,
basically. -Jimmy! -BT — I’m sorry!
I’m not picking favorites. I’m not picking favorites. I’m not picking favorites.
I’m not. No, I don’t have a favorite.
-You’re so cute. -Thank you very much.
I appreciate that. This is BTS.
[ Cheers and applause ] You guys are —
Good to see you. That was fun today. Thank you so much for doing the “Fortnite” dances
this morning. That was so fun. Thank you, thank you for being
involved in that sketch. [ Cheers and applause ] -Now for those of — A lot of people are watching
right now. I think it would be helpful
if you guys would introduce yourself
to the world. A lot of people are watching
“The Tonight Show.” Just — [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah, go ahead.
-Hi. My name is RM. I’m the leader and kind of like
a translator for this group. -[ Laughs ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Hello, I’m —
Where do I dance? I’m Jin. [ Cheers and applause ] -Hi. I’m Suga.
Nice to meet you guys. [ Cheers and applause ] -I love you! [ Cheers and applause ] -I’m your hope, you’re my hope,
I’m J-Hope. -[ Laughs ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Hi, guys.
Hi, Jimmy. -Hi, buddy. -My name is V. [ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah! -Jimin!
-Here we go. My man. Here we go.
Come on. Jimin!
Drumroll! Drumroll. [ Drumroll ] Drumroll! -Hey, Jimmy!
-Yeah! -I’m Jimin!
[ Both laugh ] -Dude, that’s what
I’m talking about right there. Welcome, and last,
but definitely not least. -Okay. Hi. [ Cheers and applause ] I’m Jungkook.
Nice to meet you guys. -Yeah, that’s right.
Good to see you, buddy. Guys, it’s been so fun, exciting having you here
in New York City, and you got to speak at the U.N. -Yeah. -What was that like?
Was that amazing? [ Cheers and applause ] -You know, I was like —
I was, like, so nervous. -Really?
-Yeah. I’m holding up the paper. -Yeah. -And if you see that,
I was, like, shaking. -Really?
-Yeah. -Of course. It’s a big deal.
-Yes, it was a big deal. -But what is your message? What is the BTS message? -It’s about speaking yourself. -Yeah.
What is speak yourself? -Yeah, it’s like — it’s mainly
about speaking yourself instead of letting other people
speak for you ’cause to truly know ourselves, it’s important to firstly know
who I am and, you know, where I’m from
and what my name is and what my voice is,
kind of like that. -Good for you.
That’s fantastic. [ Cheers and applause ] Have you been having fun
in New York City? Are you — -Yeah!
-Of course. [ Cheers and applause ] -What are the highlights?
Any highlights in New York? -I love SoHo. I want to go there for shopping. -Really?
-Yeah. Shopping! Whoo! [ Cheers and applause ] -[ Laughs ] -That’s how you shop?
-That’s how you shop? -I love MoMa museum. -Oh. -Uh, New York strip.
New York view. On my way to work
in the morning, New York street hot dogs. Perfect. -Wow. Tell me.
You spoke at the U.N. You sold out Citi Field
in under 10 minutes. I mean, this is — it’s a big
deal for you guys. -It’s a big deal. -What is — What do you want
to accomplish? What’s next?
What do you want to do? -[ Speaking native language ] You know, want to stay humble
and enjoy the ride, but I think Suga wants
to say something. [ Cheers and applause ] -Go.
Let’s Go. -Uh… -Yeah, Yoon-gi! -Go to Grammy’s.
-Yoon-gi! -Go to Grammy? -Go to Grammy.
-Grammy? -Grammy? -He said Grammy. -Grammy?
Oh, wow. All right. All right.
We can make that happen. Dude, we can call them
right now. Let’s make it happen. -We can just, like, dream, so… We can dream, so…
-You can dream. Absolutely. Dude, #BTSgrammy right now.
Let’s make this happen. [ Cheers and applause ] -We can dream, so… -Guys, the album is
“Love Yourself: Answer.” You guys are going to be
performing when we come back. We love you guys.
Thank you so much. BTS right there, everybody. BTS performing their hit song,
-Stick around, everybody. “Idol.” [ Tariq rapping indistinctly ] ♪♪
IN 1989, OUR FIRST GUEST WENT ON A FATEFUL DATE WITH A CHARMING MUSLIM IMMIGRANT FROM KENYA AND HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WOULD ONE DAY LEAD TO HER BEING FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES. YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT HER HISTORY-MAKING LIFE IN THIS NEW MEMOIR CALLED “BECOMING.” PLEASE SAY HELLO TO MICHELLE OBAMA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THERE YOU GO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: YOU SEE — YOU SEE HOW — >>I’M GOING TO CRY.>>Jimmy: YOU SEE HOW MUCH WE MISS YOU? I MEAN, WE REALLY — WHERE DID YOU GO?>>WE’RE HERE. WE’RE JUST, YOU KNOW, WE’RE IN ANOTHER HOUSE.>>Jimmy: YEAH. WE NEED YOU BACK IN THE OLD HOUSE.>>WELL, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING THERE.>>Jimmy: HOW IS UNEMPLOYMENT GOING? ARE YOU EMBRACING IT?>>YEAH, IT’S GOING OKAY AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOING, BUT TRUTHFULLY, WE’RE BORING. YOU KNOW? WE HAVE A TEENAGER AT HOME, AND SHE MAKES US FEEL INADEQUATE EVERY DAY.>>Jimmy: NICE.>>SO, OUR SELF-ESTEEM IS LOW.>>Jimmy: CAN I TELL YOU HOW WE FEEL? WE FEEL LIKE — DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST SUPERMAN MOVIE, CHRISTOPHER REEVE, WHEN HE GAVE UP HIS POWERS TO SAVE LOIS LANE’S LIFE AND THEN HE WAS POWERLESS AND THEN HE GOT BEAT UP IN A DINER AND HE HAD TO GET HIS POWERS BACK TO COME SAVE US FROM LEX LUTHOR. THAT’S WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>WELL, THERE’S THIS THING CALLED THE CONSTITUTION.>>Jimmy: WE’VE DISPENSED WITH THAT ALREADY, HAVEN’T WE? WHAT IS HE DOING RIGHT NOW? LIKE, RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HE DOING?>>MY HUSBAND?>>Jimmy: YES.>>OH, HE’S PROBABLY IN HIS HOLE IN OUR NEW HOUSE.>>Jimmy: IN HIS OFFICE?>>WRITING. HE’S WORKING ON HIS BOOK.>>Jimmy: WHEN I WAS READING ABOUT YOU MENTIONING IN YOUR BOOK THAT HIS OFFICE IS MESSY AND DISORGANIZED, IT GAVE ME LICENSE TO HAVE A MESSY AND DISORGANIZED OFFICE BECAUSE MY WIFE — >>WAS IT LIKE THAT BEFORE?>>Jimmy: IT’S A DISASTER BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE, THE PRESIDENT DOES THAT TOO.>>GOOD. CLEAN UP YOUR OFFICE.>>Jimmy: IT SEEMS TO ME — >>IT’S ANNOYING.>>Jimmy: ARE YOU SENDING A MESSAGE?>>I’M HERE FOR MOLLY.>>Jimmy: TO YOUR HUSBAND THROUGH ME?>>NO, GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER.>>Jimmy: I WISH I COULD. I REALLY DO. IT APPEARS BASED ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT YOU ARE REALLY FOLLOWING BEYONCE AROUND THE COUNTRY, GOING TO HER CONCERTS.>>YES.>>Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW?>>IT’S AN EXCELLENT ACTIVITY.>>Jimmy: BESIDES YOUR HUSBAND AND DAUGHTERS, WITH WHICH CELEBRITY DO YOU TEXT MOST OFTEN?>>OH. YOU KNOW, THERE’S — I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU, BECAUSE THEN, YOU KNOW, IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T TEXT AND TELL.>>Jimmy: THAT’S NOT A THING. THAT’S NOT — YOU JUST MADE THAT UP.>>I HAD DEPENDS ON WHAT’S GOING ON, LATELY, BECAUSE OPRAH KICKED OFF THE BOOK TOUR, AND SHE WAS AN EARLY READER. I’VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF TEXTING. GAIL IS A WORRIER, SO A LOT OF TIMES SHE’LL CALL, LIKE, WHAT THE — >>Jimmy: OH REALLY?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: OPRAH AND GAIL. THAT’S PRETTY SOLID.>>THOSE TWO.>>Jimmy: YOU SAID BARACK IS WORKING ON HIS BOOK RIGHT NOW. DID YOU GUYS EVER HAVE A SITUATION WHERE YOU FIGHT OVER AN ANECDOTE? LIKE I WANTED THAT FOR MY BOOK.>>SINCE MY BOOK WAS FIRST, HE LOST ON ALL THAT.>>Jimmy: YOU GET FIRST DIBS ON ALL THAT.>>ON ALL THE GOOD STUFF.>>Jimmy: AND WOULD IT CAUSE A RIFT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IF OPRAH DOESN’T PUT HIS BOOK IN HER BOOK CLUB? BECAUSE SHE DID IT WITH YOURS.>>IT MIGHT HURT HIS FEELINGS BUT HE’LL GET OVER IT.>>Jimmy: THE BOOK IS NUMBER ONE ON AMAZON. THAT’S GOT TO BE AN EXCITING THING FOR YOU.>>THAT’S CRAZY.>>Jimmy: BY A LOT, I WOULD IMAGINE. WAS IT FUN TO WRITE THE BOOK?>>IT WAS MORE FUN THAN I THOUGHT. BECAUSE HERE’S THE THING. RARELY DOES ANYBODY GET TIME, AND THEY GET PAID TO REFLECT.>>Jimmy: THAT’S TRUE.>>AND REFLECTING, I FIND, IS VERY IMPORTANT, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, FOR THE LAST DECADE, THERE WAS NO TIME TO EVEN REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO US. YOU KNOW, I WRITE ABOUT THE FACT THAT, YOU KNOW, THE WEEK WOULD START, SOMETHING AMAZING WOULD HAPPEN, AND THEN BY THE END OF THE WEEK, I WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THAT OTHER AMAZING THING. I MEAN, OUR DAYS WERE FULL. WE WERE JUST INUNDATED. SO, COMING OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE, YOU NEEDED THAT TIME TO TAKE STOCK AND SAY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT WAS THAT? AND THIS BOOK ALLOWED ME TO DO THAT AND TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE EIGHT YEARS MEANT TO ME, PERSONALLY, AND HOW IT FIT INTO THE CONTEXT OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO, THAT WAS SOMETHING I NEEDED. IT WAS THERAPEUTIC FOR ME.>>Jimmy: AND SUCH A BIG PART OF YOUR FAMILY, YOUR DAUGHTERS BEING SO YOUNG WHEN — HOW OLD WERE YOUR DAUGHTERS ON THE DAY YOU STARTED LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE?>>THEY WERE 7 AND 10, AND I HOPE I GET THAT RIGHT, BECAUSE THAT’S — >>Jimmy: YEAH.>>BUT THEY LIVED IN THE WHITE HOUSE LONGER THAN THEY LIVED IN ANY HOUSE THAT WE LIVED IN.>>Jimmy: YOUR MOM MOVED IN, LIVED THERE THE WHOLE EIGHT YEARS WITH YOU.>>RELUCTANTLY, BUT SHE STAYED. SHE TRIED TO GET OUT. IT’S LIKE, NOPE, LOCK THE DOORS.>>Jimmy: AND WHAT YEAR DID SHE TRY TO GET OUT? HOW FAR IN?>>YOU KNOW, SHE FELT LIKE BY THE TIME SHE WASN’T TAKING THE GIRLS TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, THEY WERE BOTH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, SHE THOUGHT, I CAN GO, RIGHT? AND I WAS LIKE, NO, NOT YET. SO WE LET HER GO HOME IN THE SUMMER. IT’S LIKE, YOU CAN HAVE A SUMMER BREAK BUT YOU GOT TO COME BACK AND I WOULD CALL HER, LIKE, YOU’RE COMING BACK, RIGHT?>>Jimmy: IF AND WHEN SASHA OR MALIA BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.>>OH, GOSH, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.>>Jimmy: DON’T SAY THAT. DON’T SAY NEVER.>>I CAN SAY NEVER WITH THOSE TWO.>>Jimmy: YOU WOULD NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM OR WOULD YOU MOVE IN WITH THEM TO HELP THEM?>>I WOULD.>>Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO NOW.>>WELL, IF THEY HAD KIDS. I MEAN, THAT’S THE ONLY — MY MOTHER WASN’T HELPING ME. SHE WAS HELPING HER GRANDCHILDREN.>>Jimmy: GOT YOU. I UNDERSTAND.>>I WOULD, BECAUSE THEY WOULD NEED THE HELP.>>Jimmy: DID THE WHITE HOUSE DOG KNOW HE WAS THE WHITE HOUSE DOG?>>HE ACTED LIKE HE DID. HE’S AN ODD — HE’S AN ODD DOG, BECAUSE — AND BARACK, YOU KNOW, HE CRITICIZES BO A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE HE IS ODD. HE HAS AN ALOOFNESS TO HIM. IT’S ALMOST SORT OF LIKE, DON’T TOUCH ME. I AM A BO. DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? HE WOULD PRANCE AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE. HE HAD A SCHEDULE. BOTH THE DOGS DID. THEY WOULD GET PICKED UP.>>Jimmy: AN OFFICIAL SCHEDULE?>>YEAH, I WOULD DO BRIEFING REQUESTS FOR THEM. THEY HAD TO GET MY PERMISSION, BUT I WOULD FIND, YOU KNOW, IN MY BRIEFING BOOK, IT WOULD BE, CAN BO AND SONNY STOP BY THIS PRESS EVENT AT 2:30. THERE WOULD BE A TIME. AND I HAD TO APPROVE OF IT. SO THEY’D GET PICKED UP AND THEY’D HANG OUT WITH THE GARDENERS FOR THE DAY AND WHEN THEY WERE AT HOME, THEY WERE MOMMY’S DOGS, BUT IF THEY WERE WORKING WITH THE FELLAS, THEY WOULD IGNORE ME. DON’T TOUCH ME. I’M AT WORK. I’M BUSY.>>Jimmy: ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS I LEARNED FROM YOUR BOOK IS THAT THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY, FAMILY, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR FOOD WHILE YOU’RE IN THE WHITE HOUSE.>>YEAH. GO FIGURE.>>Jimmy: THAT’S CRAZY TO ME.>>WELL, IT IS AND IT ISN’T. IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW IT AND MOST PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. ONLY 45 FAMILIES HAVE DONE IT. BUT TRUTH — RENT IS FREE, STAFF IS FREE, YOU KNOW, WE SHOULDN’T BE MOOCHING OFF OF THE TAXPAYERS.>>Jimmy: SO YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT?>>YEAH, BUT IT’S A LITTLE SHOCKING BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY TELLS YOU THIS STUFF AND THEN THEY LET YOU GET WHATEVER YOU WANT, LIKE, IF YOU SAY YOU WANT SOME EXOTIC FRUIT, YES, MA’AM, WE’LL GET THAT RIGHT AWAY, AND THEN YOU GET THE BILL FOR A PEACH AND IT’S LIKE, THAT WAS A $500 PEACH. YOU KNOW? I WOULD TELL BARACK, BARACK, DO NOT EXPRESS PLEASURE FOR ANYTHING UNTIL — UNLESS I KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS.>>Jimmy: WOW.>>SO, THEY’RE VERY RESPONSIVE AT YOUR EXPENSE.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>BUT I — IN ALL FAIRNESS, IT’S LIKE THE TAXPAYERS SHOULDN’T — IF WE WANT A CERTAIN KIND OF JAM OR JELLY, WE SHOULD PAY FOR THAT.>>Jimmy: YEAH, BUT IF YOU’RE GOING SMUCKERS, IT SHOULD BE FREE. WE’RE GOING TO GET INTO OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS THAT ARE IN THIS BOOK. THE BOOK IS CALLED “BECOMING.” MICHELLE OBAMA IS HERE WITH US. MICHELLE OBAMA IS HERE. CLETO, I DO WANT TO SAY, MRS. OBAMA GAVE YOU GUYS A VERY NICE COMPLIMENT DURING THE BREAK. AND YOU MENTIONED IN THE BOOK THE FIRST ALBUM YOU EVER BOUGHT WAS STEVIE WONDER.>>MY GRANDFATHER, SOUTH SIDE.>>Jimmy: SOUTH SIDE OR WAS IT EAST SIDE?>>HE WAS — IT WAS WEST SIDE. ME AND MY BROTHER DISTINGUISHED BETWEEN MY MATERNAL GRANDFATHER AND MY PATERNAL GRANDFATHER. ONE LIVED ON THE SOUTH SIDE AND ONE LIVED ON THE WEST SIDE AND HE WAS WEST SIDE UNTIL HE MOVED TO THE SOUTH SIDE AND BECAME SOUTH SIDE. YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT IT.>>Jimmy: IF YOU WANTED TO GET SOMEONE IN YOUR HUSBAND’S ADMINISTRATION FIRED, HOW WOULD YOU — >>WHY — WHY DO YOU ASK?>>Jimmy: JUST CURIOUS. JUST WONDERING IF THERE’S SOMEBODY THAT RUBBED YOU THE WRONG WAY, WOULD YOU SEND THEM A LETTER?>>WE HAD WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN OUR ADMINISTRATION.>>Jimmy: AND YOU NEVER HAD A SITUATION LIKE THAT.>>NOT ONCE.>>Jimmy: NOT EVEN ONCE. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. BUT WE PLAY A GAME ALMOST EVERY DAY HERE AT OUR SHOW, AND THEN MY WIFE AND I PLAY IT AT HOME. THE GAME IS — DOESN’T REALLY HAVE A TITLE, BUT IT’S BASICALLY CALLED, WHAT IF OBAMA HAD DONE THIS?>>OH, GOD, WE PLAY THAT AT HOME TOO.>>Jimmy: YOU DO? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT WAS REALLY MY QUESTION. DO YOU PLAY THAT ONE AT HOME?>>YES. QUITE OFTEN.>>Jimmy: I KNOW YOU’VE SAID REPEATEDLY YOU WILL NOT RUN FOR OFFICE, BUT HAS ANYONE EVER REALLY, LIKE SERIOUSLY APPROACHED YOU AND TRIED TO CONVINCE YOU TO RUN FOR OFFICE?>>ALL THE TIME.>>Jimmy: LIKE, I MEAN — I’M SURE — I’M TALKING ABOUT, LIKE, THE HEAD OF THE COMMITTEE OR BARACK OR HILLARY OR SOMEBODY LIKE THAT.>>NO, BARACK KEEPS THOSE PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME.>>Jimmy: HE DOES.>>YEAH. NO, I’VE NEVER HAD ANY SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS WITH ANYONE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE IT’S NOT SOMETHING THAT I’M INTERESTED IN. OR WOULD EVER DO. EVER.>>Jimmy: YOU SAID SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING, I THOUGHT, ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR BOOK IS THAT ON HIGH-PRESSURE DAYS, HE WOULD BE AT HIS MOST RELAXED AND HE WOULD BE THE FRIENDLIEST ON THOSE DAYS. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?>>ON HIS BUSIEST DAYS.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>BECAUSE THAT — THAT’S WHAT FUELS HIM. HE’S A GRINDER, YOU KNOW? I THINK — AND YOU KNOW, I THINK HE FEELS MOST FULFILLED WHEN HE’S FULL, WHEN HIS PLATE IS FULL. I CALL HIM A PLATE SPINNER, YOU KNOW, THOSE JUGGLERS THAT KEEP SPINNING THOSE PLATES AND IF ONE IS STARTING TO WOBBLE, HE SPINS IT AND IF EVERYTHING’S GOING OKAY THEN HE’LL PUT ANOTHER PLATE UP. I THINK HE GET HIS ENERGY — >>Jimmy: IS HE DOING THAT AT HOME NOW, LIKE LITERALLY WITH THE CHINA?>>NO.>>Jimmy: HE IS NOT DOING THAT AT HOME. DO YOU HAVE A SECRET, LIKE, INSTAGRAM OR FACEBOOK OR PAGE LIKE THAT?>>WELL, IF I TOLD YOU, IT WOULDN’T BE A SECRET. NO, I DON’T. I MEAN, I’M BARELY GOOD AT THAT STUFF ANYWAY. I MEAN, I HAVE AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT AND A TWITTER ACCOUNT, OBV OBVIOUSLY, BUT YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO GET PERMISSION TO USE IT FROM MY STAFF.>>Jimmy: I SEE.>>THEY DON’T TRUST ME WITH IT.>>Jimmy: SPEAKING OF PERMISSION, IN THE BOOK, YOU TALKED ABOUT THREE KIDS. ONE OF THEM WAS A GIRL NAMED DIDI WHO YOU FOUGHT, SHE WAS A BULLY AND YOU FOUGHT HER.>>MY FIRST FIGHT.>>Jimmy: THEN THERE WAS A BOYFRIEND YOU SMOKED POT WITH AND THEN THERE WAS A BOYFRIEND THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH BECAUSE HIS GOAL, HIS CAREER GOAL, WAS TO BECOME A MASCOT FOR, LIKE, THE CLEVELAND BROWNS OR SOMETHING. RIGHT?>>YES.>>Jimmy: NOW, DO YOU CALL THOSE PEOPLE BEFOREHAND OR REACH OUT TO THEM IN SOME WAY TO GO, GUESS WHAT?>>NO, NO. NO, I DID — AND I DIDN’T USE LAST NAMES FOR THAT REASON, ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHO THEY ARE.>>Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT.>>SO IT’S UP TO THEM TO OUT THEMSELVES. BUT I DID GIVE BOOKS TO — SEND BOOKS TO EVERYBODY WITH KIND OF A NICE NOTE LIKE, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME BECOME. OKAY.>>Jimmy: DID DIDI GET A BOOK?>>I THINK SO. WE’RE TRYING TO TRACK EVERYBODY DOWN, SO — BECAUSE THESE ARE PEOPLE — YOU KNOW, THIS WAS IN CHILDHOOD. THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN YESTERDAY. I WASN’T FIGHTING IN THE BACKYARD. IT WAS WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID SO IT TAKES A SECOND TO FIND EVERYBODY. SO I’M NOT SURE IF EVERYBODY’S GOTTEN A BOOK, BUT WE TRIED TO GET EVERYBODY A BOOK.>>Jimmy: GOT YOU.>>AND THEN IF THEY CALL AND THEY WANT TO FIGHT AGAIN BECAUSE OF — >>Jimmy: THEN PAY PER VIEW. YOU HAD TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN YOU’RE A FIRST LADY. I SPOKE TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS ALSO, BECAUSE HE JOKES AROUND A LOT, BUT THEN YOU REALIZE, LIKE, OH, I HAVE TO MAYBE REEL IT IN BECAUSE OF THE POSITION I HAVE. BUT YOU’RE NOT FIRST LADY ANYMORE.>>I AM NOT.>>Jimmy: AND AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, YOU CAN CUT LOOSE AND REALLY SAY ANYTHING NOW, RIGHT?>>YES.>>Jimmy: SO WHAT I’VE DONE IS I’VE GOT A SERIES OF CARDS HERE.>>WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?>>Jimmy: I’VE WRITTEN SOME THINGS DOWN AND IF YOU ARE — >>YOU’VE WRITTEN SOME STUFF DOWN.>>Jimmy: IF YOU’RE GAME FOR THIS, MAYBE HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN SAY.>>YOU WANT ME TO LOOK AT THOSE CARDS AND JUST READ — >>Jimmy: DON’T LOOK AT THEM. JUST READ WHAT I WROTE. START WITH THAT ONE. AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA RIGHT THERE SO WE FEEL — LOOK AT THAT ONE. SORRY. YEAH.>>I’VE NEVER EATEN A VEGETABLE.>>Jimmy: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. HERE’S ANOTHER ONE.>>THAT’S NOT TRUE. THE WHOLE EIGHT YEARS WE WERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE, WE USED LAURA BUSH’S NETFLIX PASSWORD.>>Jimmy: REALLY? WOW. A REVELATION.>>LAURA, SORRY. SEND ME THE BILLS.>>Jimmy: THERE YOU GO.>>I’M NOT SURE WHICH ONE’S SASHA AND WHICH ONE’S MALIA. YOU KNOW, THEY AGREE. THEY GET SO MAD EVERY TIME I MESS THEIR NAMES UP. I’M LIKE, WHO ARE YOU.>>Jimmy: PART OF BEING A PARENT.>>THE GAME THAT SASHA PLAYS WITH ME IS THAT WHEN WE’RE WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, SHE’LL CALL ME MOM, MOM, MOM, AND I DON’T HEAR AND SHE’S LIKE, MICHELLE. MICHELLE OBAMA. AND I LOOK UP AND SHE’S LIKE, SEE?>>Jimmy: COUPLE MORE. THESE ARE IMPORTANT.>>I STOLE THE PHRASE, WHEN THEY GO LOW, WE GO HIGH FROM THE BACK OF A SNAPPLE CAP.>>Jimmy: TWO MORE.>>BARRY, BE QUIET AND HOLD MY PURSE.>>Jimmy: AND YOUR FINAL OUTRAGEOUS STATEMENT TO MAKE NOW THAT YOU’RE NO LONGER FIRST LADY.>>CLOONEY IS MY FREEBIE.>>Jimmy: MICHELLE OBAMA, EVERYONE. THIS IS HER BOOK, “BECOMING.” IT IS AVAILABLE NOW.
THIS SUNDAY NIGHT, MILLIONS OF WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD BECAME FURIOUS WITH THEIR PARTNERS FOR NEVER LOOKING AT THEM THE WAY BRADLEY COOPER LOOKED AT OUR FIRST GUEST DURING THEIR SHOW-STOPPING MUSICAL PERFORMANCE. SHE IS A BRAND-NEW OSCAR WINNER FOR HER WORK IN THE MOVIE “A STAR IS BORN” WHICH RETURNS TO THEATERS FOR ONE WEEK ONLY STARTING FRIDAY. PLEASE SAY HELLO TO LADY GAGA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ >>Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I’M SO HAPPY THAT YOU’RE HERE.>>I’M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR COMING. IT’S — >>ACTUALLY, BEFORE WE EVEN GET STARTED, I JUST WANTED TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU. YOU MADE A DONATION TO MY MOM AND I’S FOUNDATION, THE BORN THIS WAY FOUNDATION.>>Jimmy: BORN THIS WAY.>>THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT’S FOR EMPOWERING YOUTH TO BUILD A KINDER AND BRAVER WORLD. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH.>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR DOING IT, OF COURSE. THAT’S NICE OF YOU TO SAY. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THE BAG THERE? WHAT’S GOING ON? YOU BROUGHT YOUR LUGGAGE?>>I BROUGHT, WELL, YOU KNOW, I’M SECURITY. SO, YOU KNOW, IT’S BEEN A, QUITE A WEEK, SO [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: OH, YEAH. THAT’S PRETTY GOOD.>>I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU GAVE ME THESE. BUT THEY WERE BACK STAGE, BUT APPARENTLY, OSCAR HAS SOME UNDIES.>>Jimmy: YEAH, YOU GOT TO PUT THOSE ON OSCAR. OH, BOY.>>DON’T SHAME HIM. HE’S NAKED, AND IT’S OKAY.>>Jimmy: YOU’RE RIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. LET ME SEE WHAT THEY DID HERE. MUSIC, LADY GAGA. I WAS WONDERING IF THEY WOULD WRITE STEPHANIE ON THERE OR LADY F GAGA. DO YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT THEY PUT ON THERE?>>NO. YOU GET ONE, AND THIS IS WHAT IT IS.>>Jimmy: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SINCE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE SUNDAY NIGHT?>>YOU KNOW, IT’S JUST BEEN INCREDIBLE. I SWEAR, WHEN WE WON, IT WAS LIKE MY WHOLE ARTISTIC JOURNEY FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES AND I SAW MYSELF SITTING ON MY STOOP OF MY STUDIO APARTMENT IN NEW YORK CITY ON THE CONCRETE WITH MY KEYBOARD NEXT TO ME, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I WAS GOING TO LUG MY KEYBOARD AGAIN UP MY WALKUP. IT’S INCREDIBLE. THIS WAS HARD WORK.>>Jimmy: YEAH, SURE.>>I SAID IT IN MY SPEECH, AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN. IF YOU WORK HARD AND DON’T GIVE UP, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: I CAN TELL, I KNOW YOU PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO EVERYTHING YOU DO. AND THAT PERFORMANCE THAT YOU AND BRADLEY GAVE. THAT WAS REALLY ONE OF THE GREAT PERFORMANCES IN THE HISTORY OF THE OSCARS.>>THANK YOU.>>Jimmy: IT WAS LIKE, WE WERE WATCHING IT AT HOME, WE WERE LIKE, OH, MY, WHAT’S GOING ON BETWEEN THESE TWO. DID YOU FEEL LIKE, WELL, I KNOW IT CAUSED THIS BIG CONTROVERSY BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A, YOU HAD SUCH A CONNECTION WITH BRADLEY THAT INSTANTLY, AND I GUESS THIS IS A COMPLIMENT, PEOPLE STARTED SAYING OH, THEY MUST BE IN LOVE.>>YEAH. OKAY. FIRST OF ALL, LIKE, LIKE SOCIAL MEDIA, QUITE FRANKLY, IS THE TOILET OF THE INTERNET.>>Jimmy: YES, IT IS.>>AND WHAT IT HAS DONE TO POP CULTURE IS JUST ABYSMAL. AND YES. PEOPLE SAW LOVE, AND GUESS WHAT, THAT’S WHAT WE WANTED YOU TO SEE.>>Jimmy: YES.>>THIS IS A LOVE SONG, “SHALLOW.” THE MOVIE, “A STAR IS BORN” IS A LOVE STORY. WE WORKED SO HARD. WE WORKED ALL WEEK ON THAT PERFORMANCE, BRADLEY, WHO, I LIKE NEVER RELINQUISH CONTROL ABOUT A LIVE PERFORMANCE. I’VE DONE ABOUT A MILLION OF THEM. HE DIRECTED THIS FILM AND THE MUSICAL MOMENTS IN THE FILM AND OBVIOUSLY “SHALLOW”, THE MOMENT IN THE FILM. SO I KNEW HE HAD THE VISION FOR HOW IT SHOULD GO. I WAS LIKE, WHAT DO YOU THINK, BRADLEY? AND HE LAID IT ALL OUT. EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAW, THE WAY IT WAS SHOT, THE WAY THEY PUSHED THE PIANO OUT, YOU SAW THEM PUT THE PIANO TOGETHER AND — >>Jimmy: NO INTRO.>>ALL OF THAT, THAT WAS ALL HIM. HE EVEN ALSO WAS THE ONE THAT WAS LIKE, I THINK THE AUDIENCE SHOULD BE LIT, SO THAT WE’RE NOT JUST LIT, THE AUDIENCE IS LIT. SO THEN I CALLED ROY BENNETT WHO I WORK WITH, WE NEED TO LIGHT THE ENTIRE ROOM WITH AMBER LIGHTS BECAUSE BRADLEY WANTS HONEYCOMB, AND WE GOT TO GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS. IT WAS JUST GREAT. AND FROM A PERFORMANCE PERSPECTIVE, IT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO ALL OF US THAT WE WERE CONNECTED THE ENTIRE TIME. LOOK, I’VE HAD MY ARMS WRAPPED AROUND TONY BENNETT FOR THREE YE YEARS TOURING THE WORLD. WHEN YOU SING LOVE SONGS, THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL.>>Jimmy: ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH TONY BENNETT? BE HONEST.>>NO, NO. I’M AN ARTIST, AND I GUESS WE DID A GOOD JOB. AND, FOOLED YA!>>Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DID A GOOD JOB. BRADLEY DID A GREAT JOB. IT’S ONE THING TO GO ON STAGE AND SING ON THE OSCARS, THAT’S TERRIFYING TO START. BUT THEN TO SING WITH YOU AND BE TRADING LINES WITH YOU IN A MOVIE, YOU CAN PICK AND CHOOSE, BUT ON LIVE TELEVISION, WAS HE TERRIFIED?>>NO.>>Jimmy: NO.>>BECAUSE WE PRACTICED AND WORKED HARD. BRADLEY’S A MUSICIAN. MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE WAS I WAS JUST SO EXCITED FOR PEOPLE NOT ONLY AT HOME BUT OUR PEERS IN THE ROOM TO SEE HIM SING LIVE AND KNOW — >>Jimmy: TO SEE THAT HE CAN SING LIVE.>>THAT HE SANG EVERY TAKE IN THIS MOVIE LIVE EVERY SINGLE TIME. ALL OF IT. THERE’S NO LIP SYNCH. AND I WAS SO EXCITED, AND I WAS IN THE MOMENT. BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE STARTED AND HE STARTED SINGING “TELL ME SOMETHING GIRL”, THE WHOLE AUDIENCE WAS CHEERING, AND I WAS LIKE, YES, BRADLEY, KEEP GOING, WE’VE GOT THIS.>>Jimmy: IF YOU WERE ACTING, YOU COULD HAVE THAT SAME CONNECTION WITH ME IF WE SINGING THAT SONG? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: TELL ME SOMETHING, GIRL. ARE YOU LONELY IN THIS GREAT BIG WORLD.>>THAT’S NOT THE WORDS.>>Jimmy: SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THOUGH, RIGHT?>>THAT’S CLOSE. THAT’S CLOSE.>>Jimmy: YEAH, I GUESS NOT. I KNOW BRADLEY, IT’S HARD. I FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM WHEN I LOOK AT HIM. IT’S HARD NOT TO LOOK IN THOSE EYES AND GET LOST.>>I DON’T FEEL LIKE I WON. I FEEL LIKE WE WON.>>Jimmy: I’M GOING TO GET A SHARPIE AND WRITE HIS NAME ON ♪ SOMETHING WE CAN BOTH GET OVER ♪ ♪ WELL, I’LL STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE ♪ ♪ TIME GOES BY >>I LOVE THAT. ♪ I’LL KEEP WINNIN’, KEEP LOSIN’ TILL I DIE ♪ ♪ RAIN FALLS DOWN ♪ AND I’LL CATCH EVERY DROP THIS TIME AROUND ♪>>Jimmy: THAT IS LADY GAGA AND BRADLEY COOPER IN “A STAR IS BORN.” WHICH THAT IS, THAT WAS NOT IN THE VERSION OF THE MOVIE THAT I SAW. THAT IS ADDITIONAL, YOU’VE ADD SOME FOOTAGE TO THIS NEW VERSION.>>I DIDN’T ADD IT, BRADLEY ADD IT. IT’S 12 MINUTES OF ADDITIONAL FOOTAGE, A “STAR IS BORN” ONCORE. HE HE WAS WORKING ON THE VERSION YOU SEE WHEN YOU BUY IT AT HOME.>>Jimmy: HAVE YOU SEEN IT AT THE MOVIES?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: WITH REAL, PAYING CUSTOMERS?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: SOMETIMES YOU SEE IT AT BIG THEATERS.>>I’M SQUATTED IN THE BACK WITH POPCORN HIDING. AND THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO SAD THAT I CAN’T TAKE IT. SO I’M CRYING WITH MY POPCORN.>>Jimmy: IS THERE A NEW ENDING WITH THE 12 ADDITIONAL MINUTES? THEY MOVE TOLE V THE VALLEY AND ADOPT A FEW KIDS?>>YOU HAVE TO GO SEE IT. IT’S ONLY OUT FOR ONE WEEK.>>Jimmy: IS THIS SPEECH SOMETHING YOU EVER IMAGINED YOURSELF GIVING AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS?>>I HAD A JOB SINCE I WAS LIKE 14 YEARS OLD, BECAUSE I WANTED MORE MONEY THAN MY ALLOWANCE, AND, YEAH.>>Jimmy: WHAT WERE YOU GETTING FROM YOUR PARENTS AT THAT TIME, DO YOU REMEMBER?>>LIKE $20, WHICH IS — CONSIDERABLE.>>Jimmy: A WEEK?>>A WEEK. IN NEW YORK, IT’S LIKE FIVE GRAND, I WAS 14. YOU HAVE TO SAVE IT ALL UNTIL FRIDAY. YOU CAN’T TAKE A TAXI. THAT $20 WAS MY FRIDAY NIGHT. IT WASN’T USABLE. I GOT A JOB, AND I WAS A HOSTESS, AND MY MOM AND DAD WOULD GO TO THE BAR WITH THEIR FRIENDS WHO WERE ARTISTS, AND I WOULD BE STANDING THERE WITH NOTHING TO DO, AND I’D GO, I’D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY FOR THIS TREMENDOUS HONOR, I’VE WANTED TO BE AN ACTRESS MY WHOLE LIFE. I WOULD PRACTICE MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AND EVERYONE AT THE BAR WOULD HOWL WITH LAUGHTER. LIKE, THAT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.>>Jimmy: OH, REALLY. I HOPE THEY WERE WATCHING YOUR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, BY THE WAY, NOT THAT YOU DON’T HAVE — YOU’VE WON A LOT OF AWARDS, ALL DESERVEDLY SO, BUT WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. GUILLERMO, BRING THIS IN. THIS IS TO CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT YOUR ALBUM HAS GONE PLATINUM. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>THANK YOU.>>Jimmy: AND NOT ONLY.>>OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA?>>Jimmy: GUILLERMO IS GOING TO GO TO YOUR HOME AND HANG IT ON THE WALL FOR YOU.>>MORE SECURITY, THAT’S ALL I NEED.>>Jimmy: IT IS WONDERFUL TO HAVE YOU HIRE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. CONGRATULATIONS ON, THE MOVIE IS GREAT, IT’S CALLED “A STAR IS BORN” RETURNS TO THEATERS FRIDAY FOR ONE WEEK ONLY. LADY GAGA, EVERYBODY.