– Would you consider doing
a Gilmore Girls musical? Just asking for a friend. – Hmm… (applause) I just wanna see Luke dancing. – Oh my God. I, so I guess it was a
running joke on the show Morning Show where they
assign one of the reporters to cover Gilmore Girls: The Musical and the person is like rolling their eyes because, you know, it seems silly but then there’s discussion
that no, it’s a beloved show. I mean, I always felt that
language and that kind of pace and the way the tone of the
show is very theatrical– – That’s what I was gonna
say, it’s very Broadway. – It is. – It’s constant. – I mean you have to
take a deep long breath before you deliver some of those lines– – Oh those monologues! – They go on and on forever. So I think it’s kind of a good idea. – I think people would love it. – I think, I mean she
loves dance and there’s so much dance always in the show, so, but again as I told
you if you ask me to sing, I’ll just show up. (laughing) So it doesn’t really, we can you know actually
put it on Broadway or in your garage, it doesn’t matter. I’ll do it. You know what, I love that about you. You’re like I can be fancy and low key. – That’s right. – I love that.
– We’re gonna get nailed!
(chimes chiming) Can’t wait to make that
joke a bunch more times. – My fucking finger!
– No, why is it beeping so much?!
(Zach screaming) We are going to the salon
and gettin’ our nails did. (upbeat music) (cheerful music)
– How hard could it be, right? They’re just longer nails. When I wore heels, I was like,
damn, I look good in heels! When I wore drag stuff, I was like, damn, I look good in drag! So, you know, maybe I
wanna put on these nails and be like, damn, I look good in nails! – Like most videos, all the Try Guys are pretty open and excited, except for my boy, Zach. – I have a very complicated,
uh, relationship with my nails. I don’t think I’ve cut
my nails in 20 years. – Yeah. I just fuckin’ bite ’em. I don’t know, I just bite ’em. I don’t know why that grosses me out less. – We’re gonna be boss
fuckin’ bitches all weekend! Or for one day. (jazzy music) – Hi, I’m Michelle from Nail Swag. I’m a nail artist here
and we do gel extensions and Japanese gel here. We’re gonna take care of your nails, like the health of your nails– – Oh, my goodness. It’s like being at a dentist’s office. – [Nail Artist] And we’re
gonna push your cuticles back. – [Ned] Oh.
– Okay, yup, yup.
– Is that good? (laughs) I literally thought I was about to vomit. – [Keith] Out of us,
who has the best nails? – [Michelle] Maybe him, his is shinier. – Him?
– Wow! – Have you seen his gross nails? – He–
– They’re awful. – Keith, well, according to
the expert, you’re wrong. – They’re so wide. They wrap around his fingers. – Do not finger shame me! – What’s wrong with my nails?
– Yeah, what about my nails? – Cuticles are a little dry. – Wow, you’re gross.
– Yeah, they’re fucked up. – Yeah.
– It’s ’cause I don’t suck on ’em all day.
(Michelle giggles) – [Eugene] What we’re doing
today is a Japanese-styled gel? – [Michelle] Yes, it is. They’re pre-made gel
extensions and they’re so nice, ’cause it cuts the
extension time down by half. – Oh, great, love it. – Oh, my god, these nails are to die for. They’re coffin-shaped.
(cymbal crashes) – Nails is like an accessory to us, a form of self-expression. – [Eugene] So, we can
design our own nails. – Yes, you can.
(Ned and Keith gasp) Do whatever you want. – Butterflies?! I’m back in. – [Eugene] So, we’re gonna
have the best fuckin’ nails, right?
– I think so. – [Eugene] ‘Eyy. – [Zach] I want the most
obscenely cute and adorable nails. – Dramatic yet safe. As long as I can hold the baby. Just because I’m a dad now doesn’t mean I can’t look super hot. – I mean, blue squares is my thing, so. – Do you see an increasing
number of men coming into the salon? – Yes, I do. Before, I feel like it was more gay guys who were just like
wanting to get nails done or, you know, drag, they
would get their nails done for an event or something like that. But now, a lot of straight guys are expressing themselves through nails. – Oh, my gosh. She just showed me a blue-squared tablet and I’m gonna do that one
and this one and this one. I actually just got legit
excited about my nails. – How long do these nails usually last? – [Michelle] In the salon here, we say that they last anywhere from like three to four weeks. – A month?!
– Yeah. I’ve had clients go two months, ’cause they’re so durable! – I feel underdressed now. It’s so intricate and I’m so plain. – What am I gonna wear
with these nails? (laughs) – [Michelle] The clients
and the technicians have really close relationships. We see each other about,
like, once a month, almost like 12 to 15 times a year. I feel like that’s more than
I see my friends. (laughs) (Eugene laughs) – [Eugene] So, we’re gonna
become best friends today. – Yeah.
– Let’s get nailed. – [All] Nails! – That’s the good part. – I feel super delicate right now. Like, I feel like everything I have to do has to be approached with caution. – Alright.
– Let’s see the art that was created.
– Me first. My theme is love. It’s also glamorous,
’cause like, I’m a dad, but I also like to party. – [Together] Oh! (camera clicks)
– Those are so pink! – [Zach] Dude, you could cut someone up. – [Keith] And what’s that crystal ball? – That’s my disco ball. So, we have one heart for
Ariel, one heart for Wesley. We went with the stilettos to be dramatic, but then we kind of did a safety file. – Oh, yeah, super safe. My theme was blue squares,
but not just blue squares, I wanted to have some pizazz. So, we have here…
– Wow! – [Zach] Is that the piercing
I’ve heard so much about? (camera snaps)
– Yes, I have piercings on my nails. I love them, actually. When they were getting done, I’m like, I don’t know if I’m gonna like this, but then they got to, like, this level, I’m like, these are fuckin’ dope! – So, my theme was eleganza extravaganza. – Wow.
– All of them had to be different, and they
all had to be gorgeous. – Oh my god.
– (gasps) Whoa! – Holy shit! – [Ned] That is a lot! (camera snaps)
– Holy fuck! – Oh my god!
– We went with sort of a gold, black, rose gold theme. I wanted my fingers to look more expensive than I did. – They do.
– They do look expensive. So, my theme, I really
wanted to extend the spring into the summer. If a unicorn vomited, it might
look something like this. – [Together] Whoa! – Dude, those are awesome!
– Those are amazing! – You think my nails
’bout to flutter away? (camera snaps)
‘Cause I do! You’ve got the butterflies,
you got the flowers, and then, these two
fingers are like a holo, which I really love. I actually, I think if
I were to do this again, I would go, like, double holo. I didn’t know that that
desire was deep inside of me until this moment, and
it just came exploding out from within me. – So, we’re gonna go do an
entire gauntlet of challenges, and then, just try to live, because I think that the world in these is a gauntlet of challenges. Let’s get nailed!
– Yay, let’s get nailed. Thank you so much! (hands clapping)
– Thank you so much! (woodwinds music) – It’s been about 15 minutes, and Ned and I are already
pretty done. (laughs) – [Ned] I can’t undo my window. – Try using your knuckles.
– Oh, okay. (growls) I don’t even know how to describe it. Everything is harder. Everything is harder. (crying) I wanna, just want my food! – Now, I have to poop. – What if you got a little bit of poop under your nails?
– I don’t, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of! – Your nails are just gonna always smell like your butt. – How did you do the soy sauce? With your mouth?
– I just ripped, bro. – I have to hold chopsticks
with my knuckles. – Okay, it’s time. Wish me luck. – Bring forth the gauntlet of nail challenges! – You are not into this right now. (Eugene laughing)
– No! – We’re gonna do some basic everyday tasks with these artificial nails to see how hard they really are. (pizzicato string music)
– I think I now type with the side of my thumbs, and when I don’t have my
nails on, it feels weird. Like, I’ll make more mistakes. – Oh, thank god for this face detection. – It’s all knuckles, baby. You just use your knuckles,
hap cha cha, lookin’ good! – You’re using your
knuckles, I’m using the, uh, whatever that’s called. The reverse–
– Ew, your thumb bends back, ew, your thumb! – You gotta quit it,
makin’ fun of my fingers! – They’re just fucked up fingers, bro. – [Eugene] Texting it
to Zach, Keith, and Ned. – I wrote, hey, bay bayy. It actually came out as hey bay baytyny, but, you know, I think my
friends are gonna get it. – It does sound great though.
(nails tapping) – W-w-w-wait, you wanna do an ASMR moment? Hey, welcome to our ASMR video. (adventure music)
– I can do it but I’m gonna break–
– I’m ready for your nail to just catch fire. – Fun, ow! Fuck, it bent my nail! Fart city! – Bring over the candle, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. Yeah, yeah. We did it!
– Easy! – No problem.
– You just need friends. – This is so dumb. (light music)
– Ha ha! – Oh! – So, a lot of people complain
about wearing contacts. – Oh my gosh, even this part. – Opening is–
– Openin’ them. – Okay, got it.
(brooding music) (Keith groaning) (Zach squeals) (Keith and Zach groaning) (switches to triumphant music) – Wow, Keith.
– But how are you gonna get it outta your eye? – I don’t know, I just realized that. (Zach and Eugene laughing) – Buttons can sometimes be hard. – Just what I’ve always wanted. (Eugene nervously chuckles) – Sorry, Ariel. Wow, with the pink with this
white button-down shirt, this is like some Fifty Shades shit. As his beautiful, artificial nails scratched against his
chest, heaving, he said, “Ooh, this is really difficult.” – I hate to be the Fifty Shades police, but nobody wore acrylics in Fifty Shades. – How do you know that?
– ‘Cause I watched it! – What about just scratching yourself? – Oh, that’s the best feeling ever. – [Eugene] Oh, really? So, that’s–
(Ned sighs) Something we need to look forward to. – Yes!
– You can go lower. – Like, go, like, go, like, you think you’re gonna hurt me, but you’re not.
– Yeah, try to remove my scalp.
– Yeah, like get in there. Yes.
(Zach and Keith groaning) – Time to go live with this
for the rest of the night. See you tomorrow morning, Ned! – See ya. (drum beat) – This is the hardest
it’s ever been to get gas in the history of the world. Fingers are super useful! And I have no use of my fingers! I hate this, to open
up my little gas door, I have to flick with my finger, to fuckin’ open the gas gauge, I gotta twist it with my fingers! To pay for it, I gotta
put things in my fingers. I need my fingers back! I need my fingers, my fucking fingers! I can’t do it, I have to see the cashier. – Well, it’s been almost
an hour since I got back from work, and I’m, just managed
to get my button-down shirt off and my pants off. I’m now wearing the
suit pants I wanna wear. – Why does it have an earring? – Well, because it’s fancy, Becky. – Why does it have a nose ring? – I hate the nails, and
you want to go to Melrose to eat dinner, we can’t. I’ll go down the street
to the sushi place. I’ll go anywhere within a two-mile radius. – My god, can we– – I’m stressed about the nails, honey! – [Eugene] Buttons were the worst, and part of me was like, maybe
I’ll wear a t-shirt tonight, and I was like, no. I’m wearing a suit, because
with the black suit, the nails popped off, and I looked good. So, it has literally
taken me almost (chuckles) two hours to change,
to get into this suit. It hurt so much to get
all the buttons closed, to tie my shoes, it was just a, I’ve never experienced
that much inconvenience because of my nails. – Careful with my nails.
(Becky chuckles) Oh, my! (people clamoring) – After I get my nails done, I talk with my hands more often, ’cause I’m just like, hey! What’s up? Like, to show my nails off. – And that feels good! Oh, oh! – [Keith] I got lots of
compliments when I was out. I was like, look at my nails. – [Man] You’re like, you’re in a trance. – What do y’all think of these, uh, fucking crazy gel nails? – Glamorous!
– They’re like, uh, resting bitch nails. – Resting bitch nails! The reactions I got when
I was out were incredible. People were gobsmacked. – So, you’re looking great! I get my nails done, and
they’re fucking great. – Wait, let me look at your nails! – [Man] Oh my god, whaat?! – Hey!
– What does this say? – [Woman] Power bottom. (laughs) – I’ve never created a
reaction by my fingers like that, well… (light piano music)
– When in doubt, knuckle it up. There it is. (groans) Honey, oh! – Oh, my god!
– Why, hello! – Oh, you so pretty!
– Thank you! – Oh, look at the heart!
– You like it? Ow, ow, my hands, how do I? (groans) That’s difficult. – So, I gotta go pick up Bowie, I gotta take care of my dog, ah! I gotta then go to my house, I gotta pack. I will say that I talk
with my hands a lot, and I think I look better doin’ it. – Couldn’t hold it in any longer. I finally have to poop. Oh no! I do not know how I’m gonna do this. – I was tryin’ to get Bowie in the car and I knocked my dope little
Starmie off, right there. That’s where it lived. Now I just have dumb, dry, get outta here, you are, no, stop. – We did it, success. I just used a lot of toilet paper. – So, I don’t have anyone
to admire my nails, but I do have Bowie, so,
Bowie, what do you think? (Bowie chomping)
No, no, no, no. – It’s 9:45 p.m. I am going to bed, that’s
just how life is these days. (laughs) What I’m not looking forward to is trying to feed Wes in
the middle of the night. ♪ Packing packing Friday night whoo ♪ I’m moving this weekend and I– – Good luck, you’re gonna–
– Haven’t started– – Break all your nails?
– Packing. (laughs) – With longer nails,
lifting heavier boxes, you will break a nail, for sure. – During my packing, I have encountered my greatest enemy, a sticker. (grunts) Come on, come on, little guy. I mean, there are just
so many little things that you don’t think about. Like, trying to, like, undo
a little piece of tape. (Zach screaming) Fuck you, sticker! – What about childcare? – Oh, yeah, I mean, a
lot of my mom clients don’t get long nails. – I have a two-month-old at home. – I would ask your wife to (laughs). (Wesley fussing) – I’m comin’, Wesley. There we go.
(Wesley crying) There we go, there’s the, oh, yeah. I was so afraid I was
gonna pierce my baby. It hurt every single time
I tired to pick him up. I need to go heat up another bottle. (Wesley crying)
Oh, no! Now, I gotta heat up another bottle. Let’s see. Oh, crap, how do I get this? Yeah, okay, there we go. Alright. – Goddamn skinny jeans, get off of me! (jeans shuffling)
(growls) This is a nightmare! This is what I get for tryin’ to look hot. I figured out how to do a lot of things, but not using my hands. – It’s about 5 a.m. in the morning, and I think it’s time
to change his diaper. Alright, okay. (sighs) Oh, god, help me. For me, the hardest thing was probably changing a diaper, it
was basically impossible. Oh my god, how am I gonna? Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god. (electronic beat)
– Look how gorgeous your hands look as you eat. – I’m fuckin’ glorious.
– Wow, they’re so beautiful. – I’m a glorious bitch.
– You have a good time last night? – Go to hell, did you have
a good time last night? – You know, everyone compliment my nails. I mean, it was true. When you’re out, people
fuckin’ think you look amazing. – Got my boy, Ned, this mornin’ comin’ in. – What’s up, bitches?
– Ooh, I love the, you did it, you styled. Look at you!
(Ned cackling) I did it too.
– I am ready! Yes, look at you! Oh, you look flawless.
– I know, isn’t that fetch? With my aloha shirt?
– Yes! – Pay at this meter!
– This is one of the things she said are hard, right? Oh, that is tough, okay. Fuck me! – Ah, shit.
– Oh, shit. – It’s actually stuck.
– It says, remove quickly! No, why is it beeping so much?! – [Together] Yeah! Yay! – Flat tips, Zach rules! – God damn you, stiletto nails. (Keith and Zach laughing) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to depart with ten of the
most beautiful people we know, my children.
(somber music) Now, kill my kids!
(heavy metal music) Wow, still cute though. This does speak a lot to a lot of things that women experience
through fashion and culture. It was very eye-opening to feel impeded by something so small and
so simple, but so beautiful at the same time.
– Look, I love anything that makes me cuter. That being said, I had
a really tough time. – [Keith] They’re beautiful,
they’re so pretty. But everything is so hard. Paying for things, eating, pooping. – I guess that’s what
they say, beauty is pain. This morning, I dressed up in an outfit that was all pink and purple and everything, yeah, couldn’t get all of the buttons. – My nails, they’re back! Ned, my fingers are back! I missed my fingers so much. I’ve never been totally
defeated by a Try video before. I couldn’t do it, I’ll never do it again. I don’t get it.
(everybody laughs) And that’s okay.
– I think I’ve grown in just one day, to the
point that, you know what? I am ready, I would like to cut my nails. (nails snapping) It’s not so bad! Wow, this is fun! (sentimental cello music) I don’t wanna cut these too short, ’cause I do still wanna bite them. (Zach laughs)
(Keith and technician laugh) (upbeat music) Hey, excuse me, where are the salads? – Right here.
– Oh, right there? – Yeah.
– Right there. – (gasps) Oh, my god!
– Do you like ’em? – Your nails are on fleek.
(whew) Ha ha.
Whoo-whee! Miss Clarissa,
I’m gonna tell you, girl. In that dress,
you looking about as sweet as a field full of honeysuckle
after a spring rain shower. [chuckles]
How do you do it, girl? Mm!
That ass, though. – What was that?
– What was what? What you just said to her. Oh. Well, I was
just following your lead. No you wasn’t. You was being all heavy-handed
with it, man. You got to be subtle. – Subtle.
– Exactly. You got to be subtle if you
wanna talk to them ladies. I can do that. [bluesy harmonica] Whoo hoo hoo!
Whee! Miss Denise, girl, the way that dress
is flowing, you look like a mountain creek
after a spring thaw. Simply refreshing. What…is…your…secret? The way that dress
fitting on you got them…titties
popping out. – What–
– Amazing. What. Is. Your.
Secret? What are you–
what are you doing? I was just doing
what you was doing. No, you wasn’t. I even said
“What. Is. Your. Secret?” – That’s verbatim!
– That part was. Did you hear me say anything
about anybody’s titties? No. You know what? How about we just say
no words altogether. – No words altogether.
– Mm-hmm. – Question.
– Yes? – How will I talk?
– You’re not gonna talk, okay? All right. Hoo hoo whee! Ladies, I’m sorry,
y’all hurt my eye. Y’all just, like, smoldering.
Like the sun. And just as bright in them
beautiful dresses. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm! Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-
mm-mm– Mm! Mm! Mm!
Vagina. What the hell was that? Oh. I did say a word
at the end there, didn’t I? Did you see the part
where all this was going on and shaking your tail feathers
and whatnot? I didn’t see it–I got
the worst view in the house. That’s what
chased them away, man. – All right.
– You know what? – Stay away from me.
– All right. Whoo whee! Miss Laverne. You like
a long-stemmed rose, the way
you looking and smelling. Mm-mm-mm-mm! What is your recipe? Damn, boy. I bet you got a big old dick
and balls. I love you.
Stop giving up! You CAN do IT JUST DO IT! Do it ,Do it, Do it, You can do it Do it, Do it, Do it, Just do it Repeat
Do it, Do it, Do it, You can do it Do it, Do it, Do it, Just do it
Again Do it, Just do it
Repeat Do it, Do it, Do it, You can do it Fake it, fake it till you make it.
Chase it, one day you’ll say you made it Fake it, fake it till you make it.
Chase it, one day you’ll say you made it What are you waiting for? Fell down? Get up And work Get up Don’t waste time! That’s not a fail if you learn from it.
Just do it! Now listen to me, I won’t repeat
You’ve got to see, what you can achieve Bring on the beat, you may get a treat
feel incomplete, but you’ve got to… Do it,Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it, You can
do it Do it,Do it, Do it, Just do it
Repeat Fake it, fake it till you make it.
Chase it, one day you’ll say you made it Fake it, fake it till you make it.
Chase it, one day you’ll say you made it What are you waiting for? Fell down? Get up! And work! Get up!
And work! Don’t waste time! It’s not a failure if you learn from it! Just do it! JUST DO IT!
VEIL: My nick name Veil VEIL: Got a brother named Rell VEIL: 8 ball is what i sell VEIL: If you get on my team you got half on your bail! SHORTY: Yeah RELL: If shorty ain’t 100 then his ass getting nailed VEIL: If your case get lost i will skip states with you VEIL: Merch it on the boss! VEIL: Just wait, i’ll get you on the 8th VEIL: Where the other 50 bands at? RELL: He perfect! RELL: (Phone) Come to the table, i got something for you, i’m gone show you some love RELL: I fuck with you nigga, im trusting you nigga, RELL: you and my lil brother, got love for you niggas! RELL: Tomorrow im going out of town! RELL: So my big homie
He finna be plugging you niggas! SHORTY: Who is big homie?! SHORTY: Whats his name? RELL: Call him big homie RELL: I love you and all RELL: But you fuck up my money, im gone have to kill you! SHORTY: Bro dont forget we gotta go to the store SHORTY: Big homie finna slide on us
We gone buy like 6 he gone front us like 4 VEIL: Im finna rob big homie for what he already owe VEIL: Cause big homie in a hole with me VEIL: Im gone nail him and tell Rell that he didn’t show VEIL: The whole time im on the same thang! SHORTY: Its the same nigga i told you about from my case! VEIL: If my brother dont like it, then he can’t hang! SHORTY: Where you at? BIG HOMIE: Im in the stairs already SHORTY: Yeah nigga! SHORTY: I know you remember that day you left me in that jail nigga! BIG HOMIE: They had you on cam nigga,
either way it go you was getting booked SHORTY: I dont give a damn nigga
You was suppose to be my mans nigga SHORTY: I got it, just go start up the van nigga! VEIL: So wherever you going you ain’t finna go alone! VEIL: My line still smack and Rell gone be back VEIL: So just leave him the phones
Please, just 2 more minutes! Why are you always in a rush? Always shouting out for me I don’t really care if you need me now All I wanna do is chill You’re always in a hurry Just give me time I ‘ll be ready soon I’ll be there just don’t worry Two more minutes will be fine I’ll be ready by that time Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need All I need Put some more make up Change the lipstick I wear Charge my phone a little bit more Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need
All I need Give me more time that’s what I need Trust me I’ll be ready then Two more minutes not more not less Baby you’ll just have to wait You’re always in a hurry Just give me time I ‘ll be ready soon I’ll be there just don’t worry Oh, no! Two more minutes will be fine I’ll be ready by that time Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need All I need Put some more shadows Fix a bit my eyebrows Make another coffee to go Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need
All I need That’s all I need Two minutes for me That’s all I need That’s all I need Two more minutes will be fine I’ll be ready by that time Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need All I need Put some more hair spray I told you I’m on my way Let me finish that piece of cake Two more minutes will be great That’s all I need
All I need Ok, guys! We are here.
Have you ever wanted to play guitar? On a truck?! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
What’s up road warriors? It’s me Coma, the Doof Warrior. You might also remember me as the most memorable part of Mad Max Fury Road. If you want to be a true Doof warrior, there’s a few things you got to know. So I’m here to teach you how to doof like a pro. [Heavy Guitar Plays] First things first, a true Doof warrior needs a kick ass mobile stage to do his doofus, a.k.a. a doof wagon. Next, you’re going to want to get your hands on one of these sweet ass, flame throwing guitars. Nothing crazy here, you can easily find one of these babies here at any Doof Mart, Doof Center, or Doof Ash in the Wastelands. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of your enemies like a tasty lick from a fire, spewing axe. Oh, and your guitar should literally be an axe too.
Alright, we are in a post apocalyptic war zone. Now that you got what you need, lets bungee your little buttski up and get doofin’. Here’s a few tips for the road. Number 1, always fill up your flame thrower guitar before you hit the road. And this thing ain’t no Prius, it goes through gasoline, like I go through babies for dinner, because I eat babies. So don’t forget to fill her up. Number 2, never point your flame throwing guitar at your own face. You don’t want to monkey around with that rule. Okay, I know you want to get fancy when you’re laying down your sweet solo, but this face melter will literally melt your face. I learned that the hard way. I was doing some kind of Jimi Hendrix thing, and I blasted up my ass, my face, my dick, my balls, my tank…don’t laugh. Nobody laugh at that. Number 3, always keep an extra stash of guitar picks handy. When you’re doing 90 on a desert road, and dudes on bikes are swinging chainsaws at your face you’re bound to drop a pick or two. So be prepared. You can store them in your esophagus, and hock them out like I did, or you can shove them right up your candy ass, and shit them out every time you drop one. Number 4, learn to love bugs. You can try all you want to avoid them, but when you’re up on that wagon with your mouth wide open, you’re going to suck those babies up like a vacuum. Seriously, I eat about a 1000 a day. It fucking sucks, but you can’t let that bug you. Ha-ha-ha… [Gagging Sounds] Finally, the most important rule of all, play the hits. Nobody wants to roll into battle listening to your favorite Springsteen B-side. Alright, we all fucking love Rosalita, agreed, but guys are dying out there. You got to send them off with something they can sing along to. Stick to the classics. Songs like Stairway to Valhalla, The Warboys are Back in Town, I’m on a Truck, Rock You Like a Sand Hurricane, and of course Enter Sandman. [Heavy Guitar Sounds] Well folks, that’s about all you need to know about how to become a true doof warrior. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s about time for your old pal Coma to step off the wagon, and sacrifice himself in the name of a morton joe, but this ain’t good bye, alright. We’ll see each other again on that big, bright, beautiful doof wagon in Valhalla. You can count on it. [Grunts] I live, I die, I roc…
Horror fans been wondering, Which murderer is the king? Classic doll who’s so scary? Or evil clown under Derry? FIGHT! I’m top of the line, connect to every device, I can use them all to lure your balls into a vice. I’m a robot, no emotions, I’m cold as ice, Experimenting on my victims like scientists with lab mice. Murders are art, like watermelon face with spears. More beautiful than Vincent Van Gogh’s cut-off ear. Use lawnmowers, Ubers, drones and teddy bears To slaughter, you can see my creativity is there. Losers squished your heart to take you out, My heart’s a battery, it’s replaceable, no doubt. I rampaged from jealousy, you want planetary conquest, Killed more people than you without even trying my best. You couldn’t slash Andy throughout the span of your films, Georgie’s the same age, took me five minutes to kill. You’re not top of the line, you’re already replaced By Buddi2, not long until your legacy’s erased. No personality, a glitchy creation, From a disgruntled employee who needed more vacation. You’re just like a Furby, a passing fad, Almost as tragic as your rhyming which is laughably bad. You’re not cold, you’re predictable, All your victims are older than 21 years old. I don’t have rules, I’ll kill them all, All ages, races, genders, small and tall. I eat my victims, way darker than you, Hannibal Lecter is in my crew. You don’t kill just to kill, you want Andy’s attention, Like a needy girlfriend with a***-retention. Oooohhh! I think I might need some help with this one. Hey 80’s Chucky! Wanna tag in? It’d be my pleasure. Horror fans been wondering, Which murderer is the king? Classic doll who’s so scary? Or evil clown under Derry? You stupid b****, you filthy s***, You’re just a p******** clown, I’m gonna whoop your butt. What kinda freak dresses up as pathetic clown? Entertaining kids parties, just to make em frown. For an inter dimensional being who can be what they want, You have a twisted sense of fashion that I would never flaunt. Though I was knocked out a couple of times, I pulled myself together, still stabbing, I’m fine. You were killed by Losers, that’s pathetic, Horror fans mock you in a thread on reddit. How can a shapeshifter be killed by mortal beings? I’m made out of plastic, no one killed me. I’ve got a serious question, and it ain’t PC, But I don’t care cause it’s been buggin me. Are you a man? Or a woman? Or combination of the two? Are you into the ladies? Or crave sausage from the dudes? I had myself a bride, I pitched a tent when she was nude, And we even had a sex scene that was hot and very lewd. There’s more to life than just murdering folks, Makes me an interesting character, whereas you’re just a joke. So go back to your day job as the clown named Bozo, You’re the horror equivalent of an average Joe. The producers and fans agree with me about you, That’s why I have 8 movies, you only have 2. Woooohhh S*** IT, you got wrecked! Wait up, now hold the phone. I’m not finished yet! You lied, you’ll die, let me set the facts straight, I also had a TV movie and a novel that was great. Stephen King created me, a bestselling author too, You’re just a ripoff of Chucky from the Rugrats crew. No surprise you twist the facts, you stinky pile of scum, As your soul is just the spirit of a slimy human bum. Your goal is shallow, why put your spirit in a boy? Cause being a puny mortal baby beats a children’s toy. You’re an old piece of junk, no one plays with dolls, Kids want Instagram & shooting game brawls. I can mess with minds, make my victims trip balls, Can’t even look yours in the eye because you’re way too small. I’m the eater of worlds, I make the dankest memes, You’re just a comedy now, your audience don’t scream. I’m full of jump scares, viewers fly out their seats, You just make dumb jokes about beating your meat. Horror fans been wondering, Which murderer is the king? Classic doll who’s so scary? Or evil clown under Derry? Horror fans been wondering, Which murderer is the king? Classic doll who’s so scary? Or evil clown under Derry?