Articles, Blog

Real Scary Stories w/ Bill Hader and Cara Delevingne

September 9, 2019


-It sure is
spooky out here tonight. When I’m spooked,
what makes me feel better is telling scary stories. -I got a really scary story. Do you know the one about
the man with the hooked hands? -No, no,
not those kinds of stories. Real scary stories. -How real are we talking? Like, real-real or
real-real-real? -Real-real-real. I’ll go first. This one will send shivers down
the curvature of your spine. Years back, there was an
old barn up on the hill, and there was a wedding
in that barn. And I was invited as a plus-one. I didn’t know
a single soul there. [ Both gasp ]
That’s not even the worst part. The worst part was… they weren’t serving alcohol! [ Screaming ] I had to talk to people, yeah.
Who does that? -I peed a little in my pants. -Okay, all right.
Yeah, all right. Yeah. Sorry.
-But I have an even scarier one. -What? -This one will chill you
to the bone. It was my birthday. A guy at work said,
“Hey, happy birthday.” -And then? -I said, “Thanks. You too.” [ Screaming ] -That’s a soc… That’s a social faux pas.
-It’s true. A so-faux pas.
-Yeah. -Okay, you think
those are scary? Okay.
I was once on a date with a guy. I know. Weird, right? He seemed normal, you know? But out of nowhere,
he said something that will haunt me
until the day of die. -No. -Yeah, I can sometimes
hear it at night. -What’d he say? -He said… “I hope you like vape tricks.” -Oh, my gosh.
-I have… -Oh, my gosh.
-…chills. -Oh, my gosh. -And then he did vape tricks. -No, no! Oh, my God. With the rings and —
Yeah, and — I’ve seen them. Oh, no. Oh, gosh!
-Terrifying. -That is so scary.
-So bad. -I can do you one worse. Last year, I had gingivitis. [ Screaming ] -That’s not the scary part.
-Ah! -Anyway, I went for
a checkup recently, and the dentist said,
“Looking good. I can tell
you’ve been flossing.” And I looked right at her
and I said — -No, don’t say it!
I can’t… -I said, “You too.”
I did it again. I did it again.
-Similar — -Similar scary.
-Similar scary stories. -It was the double scare.
-Wow. This one I have for you
is so scary, the only person I ever
told it to was my therapist. After that, she quit the biz and became a judge on
“Dancing with the Stars.” Anyway, one day… I was walking down the street. And, so,
I saw someone waving at me. So I waved back. Then I realized, he was actually
waving to someone behind me, so I pretended to be
directing traffic. I stayed and directed traffic
for three hours. And I’ve gone back there to
direct traffic every day since just to
keep up the charade! -No!
-I did. -No! That’s nothing. My skin’s a-tinglin’ just
thinking about this spooky tale. Settle in.
-I’m settled. -The other day, I coughed,
but it sounded like a sneeze. -Whoa! -So someone turned to me and
said, “Bless you.” Then I turned to them
and I said — -Let me guess.
You said, “You too.” -No.
I said, “Oil me up, daddy. It’s dinnertime,
and I’m a little soup boy. Chompa, chompa.” [ Screaming ] -Hey, is there something
we can do for you? -You guys want to see
a bunch of sunset pictures I took on my phone? [ Screaming ]

100 Comments

  • Reply Garbage Bagel September 4, 2019 at 8:28 am

    what kinda boomer humor minion meme is this?

  • Reply sujina maharjan September 4, 2019 at 8:34 am

    Oh godd jimmyyy you’re too good😂❤️❤️❤️

  • Reply LilianO September 4, 2019 at 8:38 am

    Cara is always stunning.😍😍😍

  • Reply RisingAssassin September 4, 2019 at 8:48 am

    I’m too high for this.

  • Reply הגר גדליוביץ' September 4, 2019 at 9:06 am

    You can see Bill's throat closing as he's trying not to laugh.

  • Reply Lu MorningStar September 4, 2019 at 9:28 am

    A Guy At Work: "Hey Happy Birthday"

    Bill Hader: Thanks You Too 🤣💀

  • Reply Saman Jalali September 4, 2019 at 9:34 am

    Why is cara doing an American accent?

  • Reply Flemo Kuit September 4, 2019 at 9:37 am

    one time. I say to my friends hey lets have dinner they said no we are gusta

  • Reply chocobonita September 4, 2019 at 9:41 am

    Cara is so hot I would crawl naked over broken glass to rape the last woman she was with. . . .

  • Reply Neilton Farias Filho September 4, 2019 at 9:45 am

    I love Cara Delevingne 😍❤😍❤😍❤😍❤

  • Reply Luciaa Qing September 4, 2019 at 9:53 am

    Cara😍

  • Reply krylesangerbeaver September 4, 2019 at 10:21 am

    2:04 sigh one day I'll grow up and not immediately think of these things.

  • Reply Edgar Smith September 4, 2019 at 10:50 am

    The only scary story is: how JF & his lame sketches turn to make suck Bill Hader

  • Reply ABHINAV abhi September 4, 2019 at 10:52 am

    "ahhhhhhhhhhh i peed in my pants
    Too scary

  • Reply Dance Freak September 4, 2019 at 11:11 am

    I love this segment lol 😂

  • Reply Black Manta September 4, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    This is my life I know I’m such a horror story

  • Reply Jerry Johnson September 4, 2019 at 1:12 pm

    Emma Stone just keeps getting skinnier and skinnier

  • Reply Leo’s An Alien September 4, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    I’ve said “thanks you too” in wrong situations so many times

  • Reply I Share U Watch September 4, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    hahah this is cool

  • Reply Christian Mistian September 4, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    It’s like 3 overly dramatic millennials trying to out do each other lmao

  • Reply M Pradikto September 4, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    I think one SNL is enough in this world

  • Reply Aimee Hawkes September 4, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    Why is she putting on an American accent tho 😂

  • Reply Well Read Bull September 4, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Do you know who has no curvature in their spine? Taylor swift! (shame on you for deleting the video)

  • Reply Sara A. September 4, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    Only here for Cara ❤️

  • Reply Mighty Ant September 4, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    I cracked of laughter when he moved and looked so strangely to Bill Hader

  • Reply Helen Stasevich September 4, 2019 at 6:29 pm

    You can see in this sketch what a terrible actress Cara Delevingne is, compared to a comedic genius Bill Hader.

  • Reply Wesley September 4, 2019 at 6:37 pm

    I died 🤣

  • Reply Neha Bellaqua September 4, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    2:59 well THAT was scary lol

  • Reply Ben Warren September 4, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    They’re allowed to just light a fire in the studio. Huh.

  • Reply Joint Venture September 4, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    Hold on a sec, the guy in the suit sounded like Jack Black

  • Reply Steven Wood September 4, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    Cara doesn't have her accent.

  • Reply Avetor UAC September 4, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    I have scere story brr> in bar see osome gerl after 10 min go get phone its ( MAN ) 1:18 aaaaa0_0 now need heal foby) Cara and I thought the girls are afraid of the pimple=)))

  • Reply Maru September 4, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    Love them ♥

  • Reply NENXI OI September 4, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    Bill Hader really saved this sketch

  • Reply Rob Vespa September 4, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    I wish Fallon wasn't in this.

  • Reply shpgrl1026 September 4, 2019 at 11:11 pm

    I love Bill Hader so much.

  • Reply Rich J September 4, 2019 at 11:14 pm

    Yeah, those 'comedy' writers are well worth the money they get..

  • Reply Joon Chang September 4, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    ONE TIME Our entire family went on a vacation to Connecticut. I couldn’t bear to stay in our family’s cabin (relatives all sucked), so I biked to the nearest library and stayed late, reading a crime novel. A couple hours into the night, I heard a loud BANG. I thought someone dropped a textbook or something, so I didn’t pay attention to it at first. Then I heard music (something you’d listen to in preschool, like row row row your boat). I stayed a bit longer, and decided to go back to the cabin. I tried to open the door, but it was looked. The MUSIC had been the library’s CLOSING MUSIC. That’s when I heard a second BANG, much much louder than the first. I ran for cover and hid inside a slide for wheelchairs, which had in closed walls on each side. I heard someone move and peeked…that’s when I saw an old woman dressed in a black gown from head to toe just RUNNING for the exit. She SLAMMED her body into the closed doors, and continued to slam herself into it like a terribly controlled remote control race car. She then gave up, and ran towards the back and disappeared. I heard books fall of the shelves. I RAN. Lucky for me, the back window was open, so I crawled out through there. Everything became quiet. THAT’S when I made the mistake of looking back. The old lady in black was standing six feet away from me, just STARING at me. I BOLTED. I told everyone back in our cabin, and we played board games afterwards. Also, I made this story up just now. I wanna be a writer.

  • Reply rosegvnn September 4, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    Why is she talking without her accent? Lol i mean she's acting of herself

  • Reply D C September 4, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    im actually a really dumb human, but i seem too advanced for this type of humor.

  • Reply TheGAMESHARQ September 5, 2019 at 1:19 am

    Uhh…what exactly is Cara indicating with her hands at 2:05? Is she saying she had sex with the vape tricks guy afterwards?

  • Reply Cc’s random Time September 5, 2019 at 1:26 am

    Vsco girls have left the chat 4:15

  • Reply Bönzeaux Bleugrëne September 5, 2019 at 2:08 am

    Bill Hader and Jimmy Fallon look like brothers. Especially Bill Hader.

  • Reply REDRUM : l September 5, 2019 at 2:38 am

    U had me at Hader…

  • Reply REDRUM : l September 5, 2019 at 2:39 am

    I was once flipping channels whe I ended up on the tonight show.. then my controller stopped working….

  • Reply I AM NOT CHINESE我不是中國人 September 5, 2019 at 2:46 am

    https://www.hk01.com/%E6%94%BF%E6%83%85/371493/%E9%80%83%E7%8A%AF%E6%A2%9D%E4%BE%8B-%E6%8C%87%E8%AD%A6%E5%A4%AA%E5%AD%90%E7%AB%99%E6%AF%86%E5%B8%82%E6%B0%91%E8%87%B3%E6%98%8F%E8%BF%B7-%E7%9B%AE%E6%93%8A%E8%80%85-%E5%A5%B3%E8%AD%A6%E5%8F%AB%E4%BD%A2%E5%94%94%E5%A5%BD%E7%9E%93?utm_campaign=yahooexchange2018&utm_source=contentlink&utm_medium=referral HELP

  • Reply Luz Rodriguez September 5, 2019 at 2:48 am

    I love scary stories

  • Reply Alyssa Williamson September 5, 2019 at 2:51 am

    *stefon voice* a long long long long time ago like say… six minutes ago there was once a house and in that house there was an old gay man they called SLIMER

  • Reply Luz Rodriguez September 5, 2019 at 2:52 am

    I love bill hader

  • Reply Char Paxton September 5, 2019 at 3:03 am

    0:31 seconds in and Bill Hader already breaks. Just like being back on SNL 😂😂🤣😋 Love this

  • Reply C M September 5, 2019 at 3:15 am

    Cara is a robot. She doesn't know the real, real way to say that phrase .

  • Reply Kalina Simmons September 5, 2019 at 3:23 am

    0:57 😂😂😂

  • Reply Xiao Ran Li September 5, 2019 at 3:54 am

    "They weren't serving alcohol, I had to talk to people"

    That is chilling

  • Reply Killer Germ September 5, 2019 at 4:13 am

    I, too, was a plus one at a wedding. I ended up lying in the parking lot, smoking.

  • Reply skystacy 25 September 5, 2019 at 4:22 am

    4:00 I DIED

  • Reply Dominic Gomez September 5, 2019 at 4:40 am

    Every time jimmy Fallon tries to act, he always has that smirk on his like he is waiting for someone to laugh..

  • Reply Nicky Tasha September 5, 2019 at 5:03 am

    It's been 3 month and i didn't had period well I'm virgin too.😭

  • Reply Bethany Minar September 5, 2019 at 5:14 am

    Why is Cara talking in an American accent?

  • Reply I AM NOT CHINESE我不是中國人 September 5, 2019 at 7:12 am

    https://www.hk01.com/%E6%94%BF%E6%83%85/371493/%E9%80%83%E7%8A%AF%E6%A2%9D%E4%BE%8B-%E6%8C%87%E8%AD%A6%E5%A4%AA%E5%AD%90%E7%AB%99%E6%AF%86%E5%B8%82%E6%B0%91%E8%87%B3%E6%98%8F%E8%BF%B7-%E7%9B%AE%E6%93%8A%E8%80%85-%E5%A5%B3%E8%AD%A6%E5%8F%AB%E4%BD%A2%E5%94%94%E5%A5%BD%E7%9E%93
    MENTION 他和其他示威者被警方以非法集結拘捕,送到葵涌警署,排隊等候時,有便衣警員閒聊時,以帶粗口的語句向他提到,「呢幾個月OT咁辛苦,有時見到啲女示威者,我哋想同佢發生性行為都好正常」。他又指,當晚有日本人被捕,在其他懂日文的被捕者協助下,要求警方聯絡日本駐港總領事館,但警員以領事館放假為由,沒有提供任何協助。…… JIMMY YOU KNOW THAT ????DO SOMETHING PLEASE

  • Reply Michael Barrett September 5, 2019 at 7:13 am

    Cara looks like that unibrow girl from Hey Arnold

  • Reply Jen Spisak September 5, 2019 at 7:27 am

    Shout out to those flashlights lol

  • Reply Harumia Amirah September 5, 2019 at 7:32 am

    And now how am I to sleep at night?! 😱

  • Reply Katie Inasaridze September 5, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    Loool

  • Reply volce wagen September 5, 2019 at 2:07 pm

    Lol this is hilarious

  • Reply blshit September 5, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    Is this supposed to be funny?

  • Reply Lis Pinheiro September 5, 2019 at 6:20 pm

    LMFAO

  • Reply Vamanos Ninja September 5, 2019 at 6:37 pm

    haha did he go to a Muslim wedding?

  • Reply Jacob Koehler September 5, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Oil me up Daddy, it's dinner time and I'm a little soup boy, chompa chompa!

  • Reply Mad1Lee September 5, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    god damn she is cool and all but she can't act for shit

  • Reply Melisa Guillen September 6, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Thanks you too XXD

  • Reply SlamDunk514 September 6, 2019 at 12:29 am

    1:17 choked on my water and almost died, but im good.

  • Reply ThePizzaGuyisHere 129 September 6, 2019 at 1:22 am

    Carpeted kitchen

  • Reply Aldila Novrizal September 6, 2019 at 1:36 am

    another deep fakes video will be uploaded 😁😁😁

  • Reply Breezy Mink September 6, 2019 at 1:46 am

    I peed a little in my pants.

  • Reply KAL- ADRIAN September 6, 2019 at 2:35 am

    First I thought Jimmy was holding a coffee cup.

  • Reply heytheremynameJet Acosta September 6, 2019 at 3:13 am

    One day I walked out my room and…and… I saw my sister drink out of a PLAaStIc StRAw😱😨😱😨😱😰

  • Reply the walkin dude September 6, 2019 at 4:37 am

    Cara could be in my house with a giant knife telling me that she's going to kill me and wear my skin and I would still be turned on.
    She's just lovely.

  • Reply airic garcia September 6, 2019 at 4:58 am

    2:47

    Bill: genuinely confused

    “ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠ**ᵏ”

  • Reply ftrunks2k September 6, 2019 at 5:37 am

    The last comment became too real. So….many …..stupid sunset photos……

  • Reply David Rodriguez September 6, 2019 at 6:01 am

    Wanna hear a real scary story? Ask the guy on the left about some of New York's hottest clubs.

  • Reply Alana Demetri September 6, 2019 at 7:04 am

    How's your day been?
    You too!

  • Reply Wolvereyne September 6, 2019 at 9:18 am

    Dan Aykroyd, Josh Radnor and Wednesday Addams sitting at a bonfire. Life could not be better!

  • Reply Linh Thùy September 6, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    Cara is always so beautiful

  • Reply Henrik Wenne September 6, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    So Do So Pa

  • Reply B. Christopher Jenkins September 6, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    3:59

  • Reply MatchesMalone September 6, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    I thot kara died in the bomb of "Valeryian the city of a thousand planets"

  • Reply Chris Mclaren September 7, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Lmfao I love these guys

  • Reply Andres Romero September 7, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    I once got into my parent's car and said: "hi mom!" and after the lady looked back at me, I realized, she was not my mother and it was not my parent's car, it just looked like it.

  • Reply Ian Moline September 7, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    One time I was watching a Real Scary Stories video on youtube and struggling to come up with a good comment………and…………I never thought of any!

  • Reply arocknrolldream September 7, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    …what’s so bad about sunset pictures? 😕

  • Reply tecamey September 7, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    OMG, I did a you too before

  • Reply Sparrow Ilan September 7, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    00:16 just realizes she looks like alyssa Edwards

  • Reply E P September 8, 2019 at 2:46 am

    Bill kinda looks like Michael C hall/dexter a little bit. Does anyone else see this too?

  • Reply Angela Michelle September 8, 2019 at 8:59 am

    ALL THOSE WHO MISS STEFAN…RAISE YOUR THUMBS (LIKE)

  • Reply TaylorD Treks September 8, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    One time after my first day at a new job I was walking to my car and another lady from my training class walked up to me and said “I’m going to go home and get naked and get on the toilet.” I said…. :0 I never saw her again.

  • Reply Ricky September 8, 2019 at 10:59 pm

    Here‘s a scary story: What happen to Cara Delevinge‘s Face? Especially her Eyebrows?😳

  • Reply alvarez0223 September 9, 2019 at 3:27 am

    Sofa!🤣 I going to start using that

  • Reply Viktoría Freyja September 9, 2019 at 7:25 am

    I love bill he’s hot wtf

  • Reply Mitt Sand September 9, 2019 at 10:04 am

    Why am I watching this shit

  • Reply Sam Thomas September 9, 2019 at 12:49 pm

    Was cara doing an American accent?

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