(Peter) Welcome to our most glorious nation. Papers, please and we’ll get you on your way. Please provide some identification. Tell me now, how long do you plan to stay? (AJ) Please sir, let me through! My family has the flu! They’re dying in Arstotzka while I’m stuck in here with you! (Peter) Sir, your state ID is out of date, I see. But since you’ve implored it, I simply ignore it! The rest seems good to me. Welcome to greatest country, Arstotzka. Papers, please or you will not be allowed. Just a few simple questions to ask ya- I will stamp your passport once these things you have avowed. Is this here your name? Your visa’s not the same. (Miss Bird) I changed it only Sunday- (Peter) Where’s the proof to back your claim? (Miss Bird) Please, I have not lied! I am a brand new bride. My husband’s awaiting consumating! (Peter) Your entry is DENIED. (Miss Bird) Hmph! (Arstotzkan Leaders) We, the leaders of Arstotzka hereby raise security. Every permit must be signed upside-down or you’ll be fined. Glory to Arstotzka! You will tear up every visa from a person with a beard. Every woman, child and man from Antegria is banned. Glory to- Glory to Arstotzka! (Peter) Welcome into our beautiful country. Papers, please or I’ll have you thrown in jail. Please forgive, I must put this quite bluntly- On this card, it says that you are a male. (“Woman”) Oh, I got that changed! I’ve since been ‘rearranged’. (Peter) If you’re no man, this body scan sure looks a little strange… (“Woman”) Surely this could make it all a small mistake? (Peter) A false alarm, ma’am. Do no harm! (“Woman”) I’ve got some LIVES to take! (Arstotzkan Leaders) In the interest of Arstotzka we impose new protocols. (Explosion and car alarms in the background) Every migrant overweight you must now interrogate Glory to- Glory to Arstotzka! (Rebel) Hey! Yes, you! Do you back the rebellion? ‘Gainst the state and its grip upon the land? Vile, corrupt! Truly Machiavellian! Join the revolution! Now’s the time to take a stand! (Peter) Listen, sir, you seem suspicious and extreme. (Rebel) It’s true, my covert goal’s- To overthrow the whole regime! (Peter) Which side should I choose? When either way I lose? My occupation, or my kids and wife? My aspirations, or my worthless life? DENY, or APPROVE! (Peter) Cause no trouble. (Rebel) I’m a hooded figure, it’s what I do! (Peter) Next! Papers, please. (Beard) Oogh! (Peter) Nope! I quit.