Articles, Blog

Margaret Gel presents: Reverse Stratholme Live!

January 22, 2020


Hey. I have a REALLY bad idea. [Super Mario World title screen music] *squeaky* will he pull the entire frickin’ dungeon
when he wakes up? who knows!! [NES Metroid Escape Music] welcome to Stratholme, Live– the least-loved of all late-game WoW Vanilla dungerinos. well. maybe people hate LBRS more– [in distance]
“… aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa” there is nothing good about Stratholme: Live. OH GOD STUCK HELP KITE IN A TREE HELP people only come here to get Paladin Bootes.
so this is a total Pally Locato. (location) this was a bad idea. there’s no way to do this without
getting clocked by a paladin. even though i should’ve been, by now. anyways, once you get clocked,
that’s stun-lock, baby. that’s DEATH. game over. nobody ever liked Stratholme, live side. it’s because– [cartoon running sound effects every time the glowing-blue Crimson Gallant moves] wait what the fuck WHY ARE YOU SO FAST oh shit no no no no no NO STOPPIT why is Stratholme Live
nothing but goofy shit? no seriously please PLEASE there’s a neat little trinket from the boss, up ahead. we’re never gonna see it. ?? what hit me nevermind. that’s what the trinket does. BALD DUDE (the cannons are hitting everyone) [muffled, drowned out]
(from F-Zero) “You got BOOST POWER!” [smacks into crate] [Crimson Gallant running sound effects
growing softer…] whew.
okay. out of the woods, yet. [baseball bat hitting lettuce] if you’re wondering, the Crimson Gallant was fast because i had them selected when i tried to cast my Haste macro. the one I’m using now. i am already bored with the Metroid escape sequence i get bored easily, when i’m playing with myself. man, where is everybody? it’s going to be nearly impossible
to drag all these assholes
to the Live side’s entrance. are they even coming… ? weeeeee! yeah. so, Stratholme Live was just… designed, poorly. there was basically no reason to come here,
unless you wanted [Righteous Orb]s for something. [music in distance] WoW was like that, back in the day. [music growing closer] it was basically a big ol’ time-wastin’ treadmill. [music growing louder] right here was fun. the skellingtons
would spawn infinitely. [music]
“… rmmmmllllzzzzrrrrrrrr…” [music]
(children, repeating) “rmmmmllllzzzzzrrrrrr!!” stupid crates. [music]
“… i can touch, i can feel…” [music]
“… i can hear, and see!” [music, muffled, distant]
“… so much more than a fantasy! …” [music]
“… I can run! I can JUMP!” [muffled music transitions into Doom music, first level] i have no idea why i did this.
i think i thought first-person mode would look cool. all it does is make me nauseous. okay i’m tired of being Doom that was a good idea though because i know how to make a gun in here
you can fire while moving. next time. that’s not really a video by itself though. there could be a Rare spawn here,
but they’re not here. they’ve fucked off. i think this is where you fight the Atiesh demon, too. the Atiesh demon wasn’t very fun. some things in WoW were only fun
because of the people you were with. to be honest…
nothing about Stratholme LIVE was very fun, by itself. boring. there’s a reason nobody likes Live. especially the beginning… all the mobs are spaced out like this… … like shit. well i have 13 debuffs on me now that’s about 15 more than you want to have on you, at any given time. gotta distract them. so i can open this door. 12. dang it. was hoping for 14 AWW SHIT [pummeling] well i guess we’re going back! to try the other portcullis! [muffled music comes back] what the fucking fuck? why is there a stream of water elementals? oh. the Scarlet Crusade mages. right. well. going through here, to our right, there was a rare, and Atiesh. and, coming up on our left… i THINK this was where Postman Malown was. he was cool. *squeaky!* i’m gonna have to get his set and put it on me
for next episode. why are they running all over the place… oh, god damn it.
they’re programmed to attack undead. well. i’ve fucked this up. and the mobs i pulled are ignoring the Scarlet Crusade. DO YA LIKE NUMBERS?! i don’t guys. i think i may have just lost threat. [horrible muffled music cacophony gets worse, somehow, as it overlaps] [as Rem Lazar is released, the muffled music blows out the speakers]
Rem Lazar: … I can listen, and learn! Rem Lazar: AS THE WHEELS OF MY MIND,
BEGIN TO TURN! REM LAZAR: I CAN TOUCH, I CAN FEEL, I CAN HEAR, AND SEE! REM LAZAR: SO MUCH MORE THAN A FANTASY REM LAZAR: I CAN RUN! I CAN JUMP! REM LAZAR: I CAN DANCE, -AND- SING! Rem Lazar: Believe in yourself, and do ANYTHING!! [Children, repeating last line] Rem Lazar: From within your mind,
no one else can find!

me: ?????????
why can i freeze you like that?? Rem Lazar: The life, that you inspire!
me: no matter. i’ll just– stop it. stop. Rem Lazar: From another place, not from outer space! why didn’t THAT kill you?! AND THAT?! Rem Lazar: FROM SOMEPLACE, EVEN HIGHER– [music stops] *squeaky* well. now i’m just depressed. Scarlet Crusaders: HUH!
[followed by “DO THE HUSTLE!” in the background] anyway, Stratholme sucks
because there’s nothing much here for many people. not a whole bunch of good loot, or even fun bosses. [TF2 Engineer going “Nope!” as the attack registers as an Evade] “Nope!” well, fine. be that way. i guess that makes us friends, now. really? [Lina Inverse screaming “DRAGON SLAVE!”] well, c’mon, buddy. we got sinnin’ t’do. this is a big corset. and he ain’t drop shite worth talking about. Skellingtons: raaaaar! [Skeletons hit Nice, producing ‘Squeaky’ sounds] [Squeaky!] [Squeaky!] HOLY SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAA WHERE THE SHIT DID YOU COME FROM?! “Nope!” [“Nope!” “Nope!” “Nope!” each time I try to hit him] [Spongebob Announcer reading out “2000 years later…”] [Zombie dies]
Zombie: raaarrrggghhhh…. [Zombie somehow dies… again]
Zombie: raaarrrggghhhh…. wel. [scene violently changes because i had no idea how to transition into/to this next part] you serious? everybody but you is dead. stop. stoppit. fucksake. [Super Mario Bros. 1 Mushroom powerup sound effect] [Godzilla roar] … woooooooommmmmyyyy– [Spongebob Announcer: Twelve… seconds… later…] [Godzilla NES first stage music plays] [HORRIBLE CACOPHONY OF KAIJU STOMPING] [STOMPING CONTINUES WITH EACH FOOTSTEP] LUIGI, I’VE BECOME DEATH,
DESTROYER OF WURRRRLDS! [CRASH] i feel like the designers just had no idea
what to do with all this space. if i missed anything fun you could do in this dungeon,
i guess it just wasn’t that much fun. ’cause i don’t remember it. all in all, all i remember are bad dungeons runs
with selfish, racist humans. when i think back to WoW pub runs,
all i feel is a vague sense of disgust. [reversed Super Mario Bros. 1 mushroom powerup sound effects; NES Godzilla music fades away…] i have nothing but bad memories, here. world of warcraft was never fun to play w/ humans. so i just had to play with myself. got a lot of good mounts, though… … all of which aren’t located here! there were so many Meme* bosses, here. (this was from before we had a name for them.) i seem to remember a named Abomination boss here, but maybe that was just Scourge Invasion. we didn’t see a lot of the random bosses, here, today. hell, I don’t think we even saw Timmy the Cruel, this run. and will we see the two bosses that go here?! nope. ah… i was hoping for at least Fras Siabi. but they never drop anything. so who cares just gonna walk through you this has been disappointing, and depressing. so, basically, i’ve given you
the full Stratholme: Live experience. why don’t i show you something nice, to end the video? okay, here we go! :3c i call this one, “Grow Your Own Baseball Team”! where the fuck are y’all going? oh. screw it! i’ll just make more’a me! screw you, global cooldown! [squeaky!] yes, i did think, ‘oh, that’s the thumbnail.’ this is the most fun i’ve ever had in Stratholme Live. (that’s a lie.) [Super Mario World course clear ‘beee-yeeew’ sfx]

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