[Audience applauding] Askari: Hi Oakland!
Audience: Hi Askari! Askari: All my loved ones are here.
It’s really great. Today is a phenomenal day. Thank you
Janet Mock. She released the new Bible. [Audience cheers!] I am patiently awaiting for UPS drop it
off at Lexi’s house. In a lot of the audiences I’ve performed for, I didn’t know any other trans women of
color were coming to the show. So tonight is super special for me to know
some of y’all are in the audience. I do everything I can think of –
my passions, my desires, my relationship building – with the hopes for
us to be liberated. For us to be safer,
for us to live, not just survive, but to thrive,
not just survive. My art is for you, it’s for me,
it’s for us, it’s for those that have past, and those that are going to be brought into the future. Let me do this bitch. [Audience cheers!] He says my ass is fatter than his dreams. He says he wants to stuff his face between my cheeks. And then he asks me my least favorite question, “What’s your mix, Asian?”
And I tell him yes, not out of truth, but to fulfill whatever other fetish fantasy he has. Another lie for another twenty dollars. He tells me to come over NOW. I tell him I need to shave my cooch to sweeten up my cunt. He says, “Hurry up.” I get into the shower and I tie back my hair. I take the pink razor to my ass crack. I hope and I pray that I get all those little
hairs I’ve come to love with their sweat and their warmth and their smell. I rub a bar of soap between my hands and fingerfuck myself with the suds because you got to be as clean as possible. He sends me a pic of his dick with the caption, “I’m waiting.” [Audience laughs] It is so white and pathetic
and sad looking. [Audience laughs] Try harder.
Pun intended. I tell him, “I’m leaving now”.
I grab my purse filled with condoms and lube and I’m in my car and I start my sex work playlist.
It begins with Missy Eliott’s “Work It”. If you know this song I want you to sing it with me. Alright? One, two three [Audience and Askari:]
“Girls, girls, get that cash.
If it’s 9-5 or while shaking yo ass. ain’t no shame, ladies do yo thang.
Just make sure you ahead of the game.” Thank you.
Holla to the sex workers out there! [Audience cheering] I’m feelin all empowered and shit. I’m like,
“Yeah, I’m about to turn another trick right now.” But then, I get to his house and the street is
dark and he doesn’t even have his porch light on. There’s this anxiety hurricane in my body and
it begins pulling my intestines in close. I am so scared that I have to ask myself, “Is tonight the night that I die?” But it’s a risk I take anyway. I walk fearfully up to his door, and I knock on the door.
When he answers, he smiles. I smile back, playing up my cute racialized puppy eyes. He likes it. He invites me in and offers me a drink. All I ask for is water.
When he walks away into the kitchen I mentally kick myself in the head for not walking with him because you never drink a drink you don’t see being poured. But it’s a risk I take anyway. He walks me up the stairs and I see the immensity of this home built for a family of 4, 5, maybe even 6 people. I think of the houseless folks I see around the corner at a park and how warm, and cozy, and safe they’d be in this empty home. [breathes] Then I see the blue flashing light,
and then I hear it, Fucking Fox News. [Audience laughs] Not my cup of tea.
Not my Beyoncé music. Not gonna get me ready and going.
Not my wet stuff. [Audience laughs and cheers] I guess it’s his. We lie in his bed and he’s telling me much more about his life in detail than I care for. I feel like such a great actress! I’m smiling, and nodding, and giggling at all his little jokes and everything. He feels this real *genuine* connection to me. Real genuine connection to me. Like we’re gonna add each other on Facebook
or something after this. [Leah Laksmi Samarasinha-Piepzna and
audience laughs] God, sorry – not sorry.
He’s sorry. [Coughs] I start doing what I do best. There’s this moment where I see this sex worker, I see her and she starts to take over my body. She tells my critical mind to just Shut The Fuck Up, to sit down, to relax, and to leave this body. I listen. I listen because she’s a goddess about to turn another trick. [Deep breathing] She places her hand on his crotch.
He tells her that she’s an impatient little boy. Then they’re making out and clothes fall off somewhere, just like snake skin. He’s touching her. She doesn’t feel his hand anymore. Soon enough her face is in the pillow screaming to keep from crying this time. He’s fucking her, and he’s fucking her, and she’s throwing her back into it so grateful his small dick can’t hurt her.
He’s fucking her and she tells him to fuck her HARDER because men like this like a challenge, like to feel like they can succeed at pleasuring this body.
Even though they never will, because my orgasm is a treasure I will not give away to a client no matter how much they’re spending for it. [Audience applauses] It’s all so carefully calculated. She is such a fucking brilliant whore. [Audience cheers] Then she demands him to cum. She throws her back into it.
She DEMANDS him to cum! He’s shaking above her, groaning violently as if he’s taking the most massive shit of his life. She shoves her face deep into the pillow again, but this time to keep from *laughing* at him. [Audience cheers and laughs] God, those faces. Then he collapses on top of her, lightly drooling. She rolls off the bed and goes into the bathroom to wipe the lube out of her cunt. When she comes back into the bedroom she
sees the money crumpled on the bed. She grabs it, shoves it into her purse,
dresses up, and leaves. On the car ride back, she doesn’t hear the music.
She doesn’t even see the road. But she does begin to come back into her body. She feels the lube between her cheeks, she tastes and smells the man’s crotch on her lips. [Deep breath] When she gets home, she eats plenty of snacks and goodies. She smokes a bowl.
She browses through some really good porn. The ones she’s bookmarked especially for these nights. She just starts feeling herself, y’know? As most of you know, after bad sex you just gotta make up for it. [Audience cheers] Sometimes you know how to fuck yourself better than anyone else can. That just happens 6-7 times a week for me.
Mostly twice a day, morning and afternoons. [Audience laughs, a few say “yes!”] I’m in my bed and I’m decompressing and I come back into my body.
I have to remind myself why this is such a treasure. And why this is my treasure. I know that the $186 is gonna buy me
a new dress, a new skirt, and some new heels.
I am just going to be a goddess some day. Some glamorous goddess some day. [Audience member: “You already are.”]
Askari: Thanks. [Laughter]
I start feeling myself. I put on the music. I’m in my Tempur-Pedic bed.
[Audience laughs] I have everything within arms reach.
My cum rag, my vibrator. My laptop. The charger.
[Audience laughs] I just start taking off my clothes. I touch my skin for what feels like the first time. Because really, who teaches [you] how to touch yourself? Who has taught you to love a body that you weren’t meant to have? Who tells you that when you grow your hair out so long that every day, every month, every year,
you can feel it down your back. All those jobs you’ve avoided who make you cut your hair, you’ve made it this far. You can feel that success, you can feel that survival on your head every single night when you’re feeling your body. It is here. It is yours. It will always be yours. It was never anyone else’s. Fuck everyone who says you sell your body.
You sell your sex and you’re so damn good at it. [Audience snaps] [Laughs] Remind yourself of all of your sweet warm places. Remind yourself of all those places you’ve come to love. All of those places no one else can touch you
even if their lips have been there. [Deep breath] Now I have a new favorite memory.
The other night, was my first time that I hooked up with another genderfluid trans girl-ish person. You can clap for that. [Audience cheers!] It’s not that I never wanted it to happen before, but all of my best friends are trans gurls and I’m like, “I really can’t fuck you because we have so much movement building to do.” But I mean, [Audience laughs] we can, and we can’t. But I just don’t want
to make things complicated. Maybe someday we can get there together, we can do this. But right now, I just need some
anonymous fucking to get to that point. Movement building for sex, thank you. [Audience laughs] I was with this gorgeous person the other night. And they were so crazy like me, and awkward. I was like, “Yes, I see myself in you.
We both love Parks and Rec.” Let me tell you, let me tell you.
When they said, “I want a story of a trans girl in a post-apocalyptic zombie show, where she’s off her meds and her hormones.
That’s all I want from life.” I was like,
[Drops to the floor] [Audience laughs and cheers!] Let me say that again, She wanted a trans crazy girl, post-apocalyptic zombie series without meds and hormones. Oh my god you are my soulmate! How did I find you on some sleazy gay website?
I’m so happy with life right now. [Audience laughs] I can’t.. That was some spiritual shit that
was happening that night. Oh my god. She’s so cute, okay,
I just need a moment. Okay, so we were in bed together. We were just cuddling, and lightly kissing. We were just talking, talking. Just talking and talking and kissing and cuddling and talking and cuddling and kissing. It was the most sweet and tender thing ever. There was this moment. There was this really, really, really, REALLY, really special moment where we’re touching, and she’s starting to go down my underwear, and she asks, “What do you call this?”
What do you call this? [Audience “yay”s and “aww”s] I was like, “Oh god, I don’t know right now.
Just, you can go there.” [Audience laughs] She was like, “Okay, okay.”
I was like, “What do you call yours?” She was like, “My dick.” [Audience laughs] That’s so creative! You’re really pretty! [Audience laughs and cheers!] She was like, “Thanks, you’re really cute too.” And I was like, “Oh my god, just kiss me!” And we were kissing, and it was just so good. It was just so good. So good. Then, I was like, “What are you into?” She was like, “I like it rough, and I like it tender, and I like it both.” I was like, “Cool, I would like you to start biting me.” She was like, “Okay.” I was like,
“I want you to leave marks.” She was like, “Okay.” She was working on it,
and I was like, “That’s not hard enough, honey.” She was like, “Alright, alright, challenge accepted.” I’m like, “Yeah, go to town on that bitch. Go!” “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!”
[Audience cheers!] Superbowl Sunday! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
[Audience laughs and cheers!] I want a homerun! I want a homerun! [Audience laughs] Here’s the marks two days later.
Thank you! Thank you. Then, okay here’s the fun part.
I have this great cock that she starts playing with. Let me show you all, It’s so pretty! Thank you Leah! [Audience cheers!] She was on top of me, she was rubbing it, and she was like, “Is this okay?” And I was like, “Yes, we can just keep going, we don’t have to check in right now. It’s okay, it’s okay.” We were going and going and it was
so sweet and so precious. And I was like, “Oh my god, I’m in heaven right now. I don’t want to go on tour anymore but this is my responsibility but baby I just want to stay with you in this moment forever. Is that okay?” Oh my god, okay.
[deep breath] Okay, that’s a little explicit, I’m not gonna go there. [Audience laughs] Let me just say it was real good. [Audience, “Oh my god.” “Forreal?”, and laughter] Yeah, see, you know. Those are sweet spaces where you’re like, “Mmmm, mmhmm. Yeah it’s treasure. It’s treasure.” Oh my god, that’s totally unrelated.
I went on a tangent right now. That’s okay! Now that I’ve had that experience, I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s been what I’ve been thinking about all the time. How can I ever have sex with someone who’s not a genderfluid trans girl again? How did I not find you sooner? Thank you Venus Retrograde for being over.
Fuck, that was such.. [Audience cheers!] Boys are so boring! Boys are so boring! [Audience laughs] Okay, I was going somewhere. Hold on, post-orgasm glow fucks with your mind. Brain fog. Shhhh.. Just give me a moment.
Okay, okay, okay. In previous pieces, I ended it with, “I lie down, and I wish that someone would hold me as sweet and tenderly as a mango.” But honestly, that night, I was held just as sweet and tenderly as I wanted to be, as a mango. [Audience cheers and yells!]