Oh my God, that’s not
how you eat a hot dog. It’s a sandwich. So, can you do this
to a sandwich? So- Just because I can’t
deep throat it doesn’t mean
it’s not a sandwich. That seems like a weird
criteria, yeah. Is a hot dog a sandwich? No.
Absolutely. No. Yes.
The definition of a sandwich is either
“A, two or more slices of bread, or a split roll
having filling in between.” Okay. Okay?
Okay. Or “B, one slice of bread
covered with food, like an open-faced sandwich.” They came with definitions
as well. Where did you get
your definition from? Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster.
I don’t know if you- Interesting. Well-
I don’t know if you’ve heard. Okay so, here’s the Oxford
definition of sandwich, “An item of food consisting
of two pieces of bread with meat, cheese,
or other fillings between them.” While a hot dog definition
is “A frankfurter, especially one served hot
in a, singular, long, soft roll. Also, north American, informal,
a person who shows off, especially a skier or surfer
who performs stunts or tricks.” Wait, what? Like, “That guy’s being
a hot dog.” That’s a hot dog.
Yeah, it’s a hot dog. What?
One more time Sarah. How can we trust
that definition? That’s a hot dog. I trust that definition
more than yours. That’s number two. How can you trust
that definition? A hot dog is what you call
a snowboarder or a … “A person who shows off.” A person who- “Especially a skier or surfer
who performs stunts or tricks.” So, you’re saying a hot dog
is not a sandwich, but it is … Shaun White. Shaun White. Are these pieces connected?
These two pieces? Oh, just barely. Yeah.
Oh God, just barely. But they are.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, but according
to my definition- A sandwich- And not the Oxford
English Dictionary, sorry, that is a sandwich. That is not a sandwich. Okay, what if you got a nice
little turkey melt on ciabatta? Just saying. They were slicing
through, “What’s up, boss? Okay,” they didn’t
slice all the way. Still stuffed
the same fillings in there, but it was connected,
oh God, just barely. I would say,
“I ordered a tuna melt, not a hot dog with tuna in it,
you freak.” If a food chooses to identify
as a sandwich, it can be a sandwich. Oh my God. A food- A pizza is an open-faced
sandwich. If a food chooses-
No, it’s not! Pizza is an open-faced sandwich. Okay, take a grilled
cheese sandwich, take the first part off of it,
and add tomato sauce, that’s a pizza
or an open-faced sandwich. I can play your game, which is that the food
gets to choose, right? Yeah. So okay, Mr. Hot Dog, why don’t you tell me,
just me what you want to be? I don’t know about that because
I’m going to talk to mine. Okay, so mine says … Hello? I’m sorry, what? Mine says … what’s that? Mine’s yelling so it’s hard
for me to hear what yours is saying, “I’m a fucking sandwich,
boy,” it’s saying. It’s saying,
“I’m a sandwich boy”? Mm-hmm, but it’s
got a funny little accent. Well, where are the lips
on yours? Mine? What are you
talking about, where are the lips
on this guy, here? Where are the lips on yours? Yeah. Mine doesn’t have lips
because it doesn’t have agency. Have you ever seen a clam talk?
Same kind of thing. You mean an animated clam? And a clam. Adventures of clams?
Super extra reality? What are you talking about? Above reality, below reality,
clam forward? Clam-focused? You said everyone- Adventures under the sea? You don’t know
Big Ronnie the clam and his adventures
with his fricking pals? Oh my God, that’s not
how you eat a hot dog. It’s a sandwich, so you can eat
it any way you want. A sandwich. Nobody eats it that way.
Are you kidding me? You eat it from one of the ends! Normal way to eat a hot dog. Do it super slow.
Okay? But there are other ways
to eat a hot dog. Sometimes some people
don’t like carbs, right? Yeah. So, can you do this
to a sandwich? Yeah, I think we get the point. I don’t get the point yet. There. Can you? Can you eat
a sandwich like that? Yeah, I guess you probably
could eat a turkey wrap like that,
if you wanted to. Yeah.
I don’t know why you would. A wrap is not a sandwich. Well, you could roll up
the insides of the sandwich, and do exactly
what you just did. You could not eat turkey
like this. I don’t understand why you want- I’m proving to you
it’s not a sandwich. So- Just because I can’t
deep throat it doesn’t mean it’s not
a sandwich. That seems like a weird
criteria, yeah. Do they have sandwich
eating contests? They do not. They have
hot dog eating contests because no one
would think to eat- They have sandwich
eating contests. Mm-hmm. Okay, where?
All over the place. Does Nathan’s have it?
Tucson. They have …
And what do they eat? Tucson. What kind of sandwiches? Big Crusty. Big Crusties?
What’s in a Big Crusty? Crusty on top,
smooth in the middle. What?
You’re describing textures, not- Crusty on top. I don’t think you’re
describing a … vagina. Sounds like Creme Brulee. I’m sorry, you said a vagina? Yeah, crusty on top,
smooth in the middle. What? Crusty on top? Smooth in the middle? I mean … that’s been
my experience with vaginas. What does crusty on top mean?
Go on, take it away. So, is everything crusty on top,
smooth in the middle? You just call that a vagina?
So, that’s a vagina, if it’s crusty on top,
smooth in the middle? So, if you have an ice cream
that’s topped with crunchy stuff, you’re like,
“Ooh, I’m eating a vagina cone”? Or that magic cone? Yeah. I mean, why are you
shaming my grandma’s vagina? Why do you know what your
grandmother’s vagina looks like? For her medicine, that’s how you
administer the medicine. You’re giving her Monistat? Yeah. Oh my God. Could probably open it up. There’s the vagina,
and then this is my penis, and I put the medicine
on my penis … No.
And then she … that’s the only way
she says it makes her healthy. I don’t know who is at fault
in this scenario. I don’t even know if I should be
upset for you, or angry, but … Probably proud of him … Okay. Is she still alive?
Do you still do this? Yeah, every Sunday. Every Sunday? Do you guys
not have grandparents? I just don’t think you can start
calling a hot dog a sandwich. A quesadilla,
you said earlier is a sandwich. But you could consider anything
as a sandwich. You guys have such narrow- A sandwich is a sandwich.
Very narrow- A hamburger’s not a sandwich. Turkey sandwich, bacon, lettuce
and tomato, ham sandwich. Layers, baby,
two pieces of bread, and then a bunch of stuff
in between. Stuff in between, okay so, we make a grandma sandwich
every Sunday. No. Mm-hmm, when she’s
feeling bad, for sure. I mean, I-
I kind of go behind, and I’m looking Jordan in the
eyes for this kind of thing. Can one of you be
the grandma for- No.
No. You’re going to have
to use these … Use the hot dog. So basically, I’m behind. And then I apply the medicine
to my penis, and then we just
kind of come in, and … It’s more of a me
and Jordan kind of experience. There’s no world
where this is a sandwich. This doesn’t seem like
a sandwich to you? No. No.
We’re sandwiching this- Okay, you tell that
to the sick lady who’s getting her life saved by
a fricking sandwich of ours. Oh my God. Tell that to my grandma
right now. Tell it to her. That’s not your grandma. That she doesn’t deserve
to live because she- This is more your grandmother
than it is a sandwich. That’s fair. That is so rude. I feel bad for you.
I mean, if you wanted to be, you guys could be sandwiches
too. You could.
I will never be a sandwich. I don’t, why would I- Yeah, never with that attitude. On the record now, I will never
be a sandwich to you, okay? Can we just, on the record,
okay? Never going to happen. Listen, if you were sick,
and you needed- Just feel empowered enough
to say that, “I am a sandwich,”
all right? On the count of three,
we’ll all say, “I am a sandwich.” The fact that you think-
One. Two. Three.
No. I am a sandwich. Could you do this to a …
sorry. Some people
don’t like carbs, right? Some people don’t like carbs, they can’t eat carbs,
like myself. But can you eat a sandwich?
Can you … Can you eat a …