Articles, Blog

Heather Dubrow from “The Real Housewives” Does Stand-Up – Lights Out with David Spade

October 21, 2019


I can’t say that standup comedy
is in my wheelhouse, but I have great
respect for comics and I am smart enough to know
that this is not in my lane. We’re going to do you
through this walkie-talkie, you’re going to hear it
in your ear. And it might take a second
because we’re going to say it. Then you’ll say it. I was really excited until
about 35 minutes ago. And I’ve become progressively
more nauseated as the time is clicking down. So let’s try it out
and good luck. This could be a total shit show
or it could be fabulous. Tell me you can hear me.
I can hear you. All right. That’s it.
Like laugh and- Whitney, I want the A stuff. Okay. A stuff. Give it up. Let’s hear it
for Heather Dubrow. Thank you. Hey. If you couldn’t already
tell by my skin color and gender,
my name is Heather. Hey, if you can already tell
by my skin color and gender. My name is Heather. I know I look like a woman
who used bribery to get my kids into college. I know, I look like a woman
who used bribery to get my kids into college. Smooth. I like it. Do you remember my season
of the Real Housewives? Do you know how I got
into the real Housewives? I’m asking, because I was
drunk the whole time. No, I’m asking, because
I was drunk the whole time. Did you want that? If you don’t know what
the Real Housewives is, it’s like football for women. If you don’t know what
the real Housewives is, it’s like football for women. But with more brain damage. But with more brain damage. Everyone wants to know
the secret to staying young. Everyone wants to know
the secret to staying young. Marry a plastic surgeon. Marry a plastic surgeon. I married one to get
the employee discount. I’m married one to get
the employee discount. A woman from Orange County,
marrying a plastic surgeon. A woman from Orange County
marrying a plastic surgeon … Is like a butt hole
marrying toilet paper. Is like a butt hole
marrying toilet paper. It’s like a perfect match. My face has so much plastic,
I’m not allowed in the ocean. My face has so much plastic, I’ve actually been banned
from the ocean. Some people believe I’m 50,
some people don’t believe I’m 50. Look, some people, you know, they don’t believe
that I’m 50 years old. Because I tell them I’m 35. Because I tell them I’m 35. Want to know the secret
to a bikini body in your 50s? If you want to know how to get
a bikini body in your 50s- It’s called Photoshop. It’s called Photoshop. I have two podcasts.
Get something. Okay.
I have two podcasts. And that’s the only thing
I have in common with any of you people. And that’s the only thing I have
in common with any of you people. All right, thanks you guys.
Good night. Thank you guys so much.
You’ve been so kind. Good night. She went, “You’ve been so kind.” Is that what she said? Heather Dubrow. What the [bleep].
I was that good? So good. Where are we playing next? I know.
This is where the money is. This is working
really well for me. Wait. Give David
a little light. Oh, sorry.

56 Comments

  • Reply Sergio Peña October 15, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Her delivery was pretty good. I didn't expect that.

  • Reply mohammad ebrahimi October 15, 2019 at 10:12 pm

    she was smooth

  • Reply TheMineReda October 15, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    These are my favorite! Keep’em coming!!

  • Reply James Strazza October 15, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    Pushes Whitney out of frame

  • Reply IamScythed October 15, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    That landed great.

  • Reply J H October 15, 2019 at 10:26 pm

    Let's be honest. She sorta killed!

  • Reply Journeytopeace Peace October 15, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    She has such a raspy, husky voice. Is/was she a smoker?

  • Reply Jeff B October 15, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    Lmao the podcast joke! It’s true, everybody and their brother has podcasts, it’s nothing special yet people brag about “having a podcast” like they’re unique

  • Reply Jeff B October 15, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Lmao Whitney always trying to hog the light in pictures. Classy broad

  • Reply You Tried It! October 15, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    my fave segment

  • Reply Jackie Yoshi October 15, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    Her: I hate fart jokes
    Me: I grew up watching Ren and Stimpy!

  • Reply G S F October 15, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    That seemed to go a lot better than the others I've seen them attempt this with.

  • Reply mr anderson October 15, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    Id do her

  • Reply Miaou October 16, 2019 at 12:17 am

    Isn t she the wife of the botch plastic surgeon ?

  • Reply Tiger WoLF 1/26 INF October 16, 2019 at 12:20 am

    She’s funny –

  • Reply S T October 16, 2019 at 12:23 am

    Her delivery was perfect
    Everyone else who's done it stumbles and it's clear there is a delay. She adlibed and made it all sound natural.

  • Reply MP WMU October 16, 2019 at 1:38 am

    Women aren't funny.

  • Reply steve donahue October 16, 2019 at 2:04 am

    DUDE! the women who introduced heather is a porn star…..shes a sexy ass gilf

  • Reply a sanzotta October 16, 2019 at 2:26 am

    She crushed it! She managed to make the pauses seem natural and even edited a couple jokes on the fly.

  • Reply Dee Cohen October 16, 2019 at 2:35 am

    FFFUUCCCKKKOFFFFFHEATHERRRR! Seriously I FUCKING HATE HERRRRR

  • Reply M Ross October 16, 2019 at 2:45 am

    That was excellent. Killed it.

  • Reply london von October 16, 2019 at 2:51 am

    Damn…did she really push whitney? That was so RUDE! I guess what they say about her is true.

  • Reply london von October 16, 2019 at 2:52 am

    She is such a stuck up , pretentious, rude, spoiled hag.

  • Reply Don't Watch This Show LIVE! October 16, 2019 at 3:01 am

    This is the best segment on any show ever. It's brilliant.

  • Reply Brian Barker October 16, 2019 at 3:20 am

    did anyone see her push Whitney at the end? a little rude

  • Reply Shaggy Lick October 16, 2019 at 3:30 am

    Ok, write an hour for her David. She can totally do stand-up.

  • Reply V Carr October 16, 2019 at 3:48 am

    Sooooo funny. Love this segment

  • Reply S S October 16, 2019 at 4:47 am

    Pretty sure those laughs were piped in. I saw almost no one laughing.

  • Reply Dirk Diggler October 16, 2019 at 6:46 am

    actually pretty good. although it's funnier when it goes wrong

  • Reply Ian N. October 16, 2019 at 7:25 am

    she’s funny AND no plastic surgery

  • Reply Hank Chinaski October 16, 2019 at 7:45 am

    Thanks for the three minute videos. Wouldn't want you to put too much effort into these things. Kinda like your Dice impersonation.

  • Reply VideoNozoki October 16, 2019 at 11:06 am

    She was really a good sport! Nice.

  • Reply mbolduc October 16, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    Something different about Whitney these days

  • Reply Copper coleman October 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    She is way better then i expected..good job

  • Reply We Love Libraries October 16, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    The best part of this bit was when the skank tells Whitney to get out of the way cause she wanted more Spade – HYSTERICAL

  • Reply KENN MULLEN October 16, 2019 at 3:43 pm

    She improved the jokes

  • Reply Bryan McCauley October 16, 2019 at 4:24 pm

    Shoved Whitney like a true Bitch!

  • Reply A n g e l o October 16, 2019 at 6:20 pm

    I can tell shitney wrote some of those jokes

  • Reply Cornlips 4 October 16, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Whitney is amazing.

  • Reply Real Thing October 16, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Will you be my comedy coach and get me a gig🤗? I was once a real housewife 🤣😂🤣😃🤩. I'll deliver 😆❣️

  • Reply Eyepatch Entertainment October 17, 2019 at 2:38 am

    It would be funny to turn off the earpiece and just steal past jokes from David and Whitney

  • Reply tyo789 October 17, 2019 at 7:16 am

    I liked how she pushed Whitney out the way lol

  • Reply kami nova October 17, 2019 at 9:15 am

    MIRF
    Is how u say milf in Asian

  • Reply Ludmilla Ludmilla October 17, 2019 at 12:02 pm

    she's good..not at all nervous

  • Reply matthew beebe October 17, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    Great delivery, I dont know who she is but I'm impressed.

  • Reply Cameron Radaszewski October 17, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    I definitely knew she wasn't 35

  • Reply Lavender Fields October 17, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    Awesome show! Liked Heathers bit.

  • Reply Lavender Fields October 17, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    😂😂😂😂😂

  • Reply I Play One On T.V. October 18, 2019 at 12:20 am

    She almost made those jokes her own with her delivery, and she's pretty.

  • Reply Zenithx3 October 18, 2019 at 2:34 am

    Everything she does is Perfect. Fucking Perfect.

  • Reply Dave Cote October 18, 2019 at 6:57 am

    She did well. She’s got a Joan River’s before plastic surgery look and sound. I always thought Joan looked better before she had the work done.

  • Reply jenna arman October 19, 2019 at 1:48 am

    All she is is a narcissistic jew

  • Reply Nichole V October 19, 2019 at 5:12 am

    Good job Heather!

  • Reply Ann Marie October 19, 2019 at 10:48 pm

    What is the purpose of feeding comedy to real-housewive-plastic-Franken-puppets to perform for?

  • Reply brudzool October 20, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    The finally fixed the fucking outro volume. Now I don't have to be aurally assaulted every time i watch.

  • Reply Holly Holy October 20, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    Terry in the back at the end of the clip LOL

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